The Angels' Share

& Albert: What the fuck was that, you arsehole? I fucking nearly broke my bottle.
    Announcer on PA: Fuck the bottle. Get off the track! Hurry up! Get a fucking move on!
    Albert: I cannae find my glasses!
    Announcer on PA: This is God calling. Get off the fucking track, will you?! Get a fucking move on or you’re gonna die!

& Harry: You’re two days out.
    Albert: Two days out? There must be... Should be definitely on it.
    Harry: I’ll tell you what. If you can tell me what year it is, I’ll let you come with us.
    Albert: What year it is?
    Harry: Yeah.
    Albert: Feels as if I’m fuckin’ on Who Wants to be a Millionaire here. Can I phone a friend?

& Mairi: Every year about 2% of the spirit is actually lost. It just disappears and evaporates into thin air. Gone forever. It’s what we call the “angels’ share”.

& Rhino: It’s equivalent to having the Mona Lisa in your bedroom.
    Albert: Mona who?
    Rhino: Mona Lisa... You know, the Mona Lisa!
    Albert: All right, I’m just asking, fuck’s sake.

& Albert: Kilts! We could wear kilts. Nobody ever bothers anybody wearing a kilt. We’d just look like friendly wee cunts up the Highlands. Whisky train spotters, know what I mean?
    Robbie: Albert Einstein.
    Albert: Albert Einstein? Who the fuck’s that?
    Rhino: He was a friend of Mona’s. Remember Mona?
    Albert: For fuck’s sake. We’re back to Mona now. What’s next, “donkey”? Come on.

---

& Robbie: Balblair Distillery... The promised land. Treasures in there, mate. Fucking treasures.
    Albert: Ah, but one wee problem. It’s in there, we’re out here. No fucking plan, and I’m risking my foreskin for fuck all.

& Thaddeus: My client only wants three bottles, one to keep, one to swap, one to drink with his friends.

& Thaddeus: How much have you got?
    Robbie: One to keep, one to swap and one to drink with my mates.

& Rhino: Youse are getting nothing! Not a penny.
    Albert: Just a little point...
    Rhino: Just a wee fucking point? You’re damn right! Fuck up, Albert. It’s the last thing I’ll say to youse...
    Albert: Listen...
    Mo: Albert, I think it’s best if you just shut up.
    Albert: Listen. If there was only four bottles left in the entire world then that makes them very, very precious. Right?
    Rhino: Right, but you’re just a fucking idiot!
    Albert: But if there was only two bottles left in the entire world, then that makes them even more fucking precious. Common sense. Supply and demand. Market fucking forces.

♪ But I would walk 500 miles ♪
♪ And I would walk 500 more ♪
♪ Just to be the man who walks ♪
♪ a thousand miles ♪
♪ To fall down at your door ♪

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On the IMDb

Soundtrack (I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) by The Proclaimers!