Two and a Half Men 3x1

Season 3. Go!

Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts

& Charlie: Is there anything I can do for you now?
    Alan: Well, I got to pee.
    Charlie: Yeah. So?
    Alan: So I can’t undo my pants or... anything.
    Charlie: Where are we headed with this, Alan?
    Alan: You said you’d help me.
    Charlie: I was thinking more like I could make you a sandwich.
    Alan: Charlie...
    Charlie: I am not reaching into your pants!

& Charlie: Where are you going?
    Alan: To the bathroom. Now, come on and unzip me.
    Charlie: Just like that? Right to it? No dinner? No movie?

& Judith: You need to start your report this weekend!
    Jake: Why? It’s not due till next Wednesday! I have plenty of time.
    Judith: That’s what you said last time.
    Jake: No, I didn’t.
    Judith: Yes, you did.
    Jake: I think you’re getting senile.
    Judith: Watch your mouth, young man!
    Jake: I can’t watch it. It’s under my nose.

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& Jake: Can we go out to dinner tonight?
    Alan: Do I look like I’m in any kind of shape to go to dinner?
    Jake: I don’t know. I’m not a doctor.
    Alan: The answer is ’No.’
    Jake: Okay. Then can we go to the video store and rent the new “Final Fantasy”?

& Jake: Hey, before stop at the video store, can we get some ice cream?
    Charlie: Who said we’re stopping at the video store?
    Jake: I wanna rent the new “Final Fantasy.”
    Charlie: Yeah, well, I want my $80,000 Mercedes not to smell like chicken. But life is full of little disappointments.
    Jake: Okay, forget the ice cream. We’ll just stop at the video store.

& Jake: Pleeeease.
    Charlie: I’m sorry, what part of “no” did you not understand? The “nnn” or the “oh”?

& Jake: How about if we just stop in front of the store, I’ll run in and get the video game and you just wait in the car?
    Charlie: How about we stop by the video store and I just stuff you through the return slot?
    Jake: I wouldn’t fit.
    Charlie: Try me.

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+ quotes on the Imdb.