House of Lies 1x1

The Gods of Dangerous Financial Instruments

& Marty Kaan: Don’t. Ever. Fuck. Your ex-wife.

& Marty: How many pills did you have last night anyway?
    Monica: Which flavor?

& Marty: Gotta go to work. I actually have a real job.
    Jeremiah Kaan, Dad: Since when is management consulting a real job?
    Marty: Since... it pays seven figures a year.

& Doug: You know it’s like my econ professor Harvard used to say to me: Never examine the motives of the guys writing your checks.

& Jeannie Van Der Hooven: They want us to tell them they’re perfect.
    Marty: Fuck what they want, okay? Consulting’s like dissing a really pretty girl so that she’ll want you more. We need them to think they’re almost perfect so we can book that afterwork. Afterwork. Afterwork really is the goal of all consulting. Get them on the tit. Thinking that their business is gonna fail without you. They hire you week in and week out, that’s millions and millions in billable hours. That’s what we want, baby.

---

& Doug: Marty, we cannot get counseled out on this job.
    Marty: Counseled out. That’s consultant for fired. It’s not good.

& Marty: Data dump. That’s the actual information. The numbers, the dirt. Everything else’s horse shit. Except perception. Which is horse shit you can leverage.

& Marty: Management consulting 101:

• Flatter* the client
MetroCapital, as is, is a work of art. It’s a Giotto. A Rembrandt. So how do you make improvements on a masterpiece?
• Ask them what they think.
So that the main question is: Where do you feel you’re headed as a company, organically?
• Use indecipherable jargon.
Because, look, the pod remains convinced there is a burning platform. We just don’t have the bandwidth to go into a black factory and blow up the paradigms with a white paper... We don’t have it.

& Marty: Look, let’s get the fuck out of this fishbowl and see if we could find some $1000 sushi joint that we can bill these assholes for.

& April: Do I look like a stripper?
    Marty: No. Escort. High end.

& Marty: It’s your basic bump-and-grab, guys. You have a mark: the customer. A jostler bumps into them, creates a distraction. That’s the amnesty program. The grab: that’s you all taking your bonuses, while they’re all admiring your amnesty program.

& Marty: This is it. This is the moment. The moment like when you’re deep sea fishing and you feel it on the line. Tug, tug, bang! Big one, baby. The moment when you have the guys, you have the world by the balls. By the balls!

& Roscoe Kaan: I’ll be her understudy. Then I’ll fuck her up somehow.
    Marty: Watch your mouth. But... Yeah. That’s the spirit.

--
Flatter — льстить; обольщать; приукрашивать

On the Imdb.