Emma: That’ll be useful if you ever have a time machine and your time machine breaks, and you’re stuck in the Medieval Ages.
Adam: You’re funny. It’s weird.
Emma: Yeah. I’m weird.
Adam: Me too.
& Adam: Can I finger you?
Emma: No.
Adam: OK.
& Adam: What are you doing at a party of frat*?
Emma: No. I go to MIT, but I have this family thing, and I grew up in Ann Arbor.
Adam: MIT? Wow. So you grew up to be a lot smarter than me.
Emma: Yeah, sometimes my neck gets sore.
Adam: Why?
Emma: ’Cause my brain’s so big.
& Adam: So, I’ll call you, or something...
Emma: Adam, you’re wonderful. If you’re lucky, you’re never gonna see me again.
& Vanessa: Hi. How do you do?
Patrice: How do I what?
& Adam: God! {...} You’re fucking my ex-girlfriend?!
Alvin: Well, yeah, but... She’s just so hot.
Adam: I know how hot she is!
Alvin: Adam. All right, I’m not the perfect dad. But the worst thing you can do in life is to say no to love. And I think she really loves me.
& Adam: Did I have sex with anyone in this apartment last night?
& Patrice: You don’t have to feel embarrassed, because we’re all doctors, so we see literally hundreds of penises a week.
Guy: I see thousands.
Shira: I just pulled a penis out of a VitaminWater yesterday. So, we are cool with penises here.
Patrice: We’re professionals.
Adam: Well... It has been a pleasure.
Patrice: Bravo. ... Bravo, bravo.
Guy: Nice. ... Yep, I’m definitely gay.
& Shira: Emma, we have to be in the hospital in ten minutes.
Emma: OK. You have 45 seconds to pull your shit together, OK?
Adam: I’m way ahead of you.
& Adam: You really think she’s just using him for his car?
Eli: No, Adam, I don’t. I think he wants to fuck her in his Prius. And the thing about fucking in a Prius is that you don’t have to feel guilty afterwards.
Adam: ’Cause of the carbon footprint.
Eli: Yeah.
& Adam: We’re sex friends... Just friends who have sex.
Neighbor: That’s not possible.
& Emma: I’ll be back in like... an hour.
Shira: Have fun.
Emma: I’m just getting some yogurt!
Shira: God, I am single as fuck.
& Adam: Don’t call my penis cute.
Emma: Even if it’s dressed up like a Care Bear, and it’s giving you a Care Stare? Don’t dress up your penis. Ever.
& Emma: Does your insurance cover invasive procedures?
Adam: OK. OK, this is getting a little too realistic.
Emma: Trust me.
& Eli: I can’t focus on my porn with all this real sex going on around me!
& Patrice: It’s like a crime scene in my pants.
& Adam: I also... made you this. To help soothe* your womb.
Patrice: It’s a mix. “Even Flow”, “Red Red Wine”...
Shira: “Sunday Bloody Sunday”?
Emma: Adam! Did you make me a period mix?
Guy: That’s so romantic.
Patrice: Frank Sinatra. “I’ve Got The World On A String.”
Adam: It’s a classic. ... Keep, keep bleedin’ love I keep bleedin’...
& Patrice: Did you just open the car door for me?
Eli: Yes, I did.
Patrice: No one’s ever done that for me before. Do it again.
Eli: All right. ... How’s that?
Patrice: It’s amazing!
& Emma: Dr. Metzner?
Dr. Metzner: Yes?
Emma: Hi. I’m Emma Kurtzman. I’ve been ho, ho, hoping that I’d get the chance to talk to you.
& Emma: Taxi! Taxi! Take me to Adam’s house.
Driver: OK, ma’am, where’s that?
Emma: Where Adam lives.
Driver: All right...
Emma: Just go. Go.
& Adam: This is Joy.
Joy: I’m Joy. Hi.
Emma: Good for you.
Lisa: Adam?
Adam: And this is Lisa.
Emma: You are such an overachiever.
& Emma: This isn’t really my place. I mean, who am I? I just have sex with your son sometimes. But... But... there is really no reason for you to bring a child into this world, since you’re acting like children already.
& Emma: I made you a Valentine’s Day card.
Adam: What?! ... It’s perfect. Can you read it for me?
Emma: Is that weird? “You give me premature ventricular contractions.”
Adam: I’m assuming that’s a good thing?
Emma: You make my heart skip a beat.
& Adam: Well, this hole’s a little bit more complicated. You’re gonna have to bank it off there. It’s all about the geometry.
Emma: I’m a doctor. ... That hole is my bitch!
& Emma: I don’t get my own milkshake?
Adam: No, it’s one milkshake, two straws. That’s what makes it special.
& Lucy: I read your script. And I love it. I really do.
Adam: Really?
Lucy: Yeah, and honestly, like, I didn’t think that you could write, mainly ’cause you’re just... so beautiful. Seriously, it’s distracting for me.
& Adam: Hey, do you wanna?..
Lucy: What?
Adam: Yeah, sorry.
Lucy: What were you gonna?
Adam: Just to hang out.
Lucy: Oh. That’s crazy. I was like, “What’s he gonna say?” And then you said that. It’s not what I thought you were gonna say.
& Adam: Who is it?
Lucy: “Do Not Call Her” is calling. Do you want to take it?
& Lucy: So, then when I was, like, 11, I was in therapy because I was, like, obsessively biting my hair, and then three months in, my therapist died. I know, so that was kind of a bummer.
Adam: Whoa.
Lucy: But, yeah. That’s why I hate planes.
& Lucy: Oh, my God. This is happening. Is this really happening? Oh, my God. You’re touching me. This is so happening.
Adam: Maybe we don’t need to talk about everything?
Lucy: Oh. OK, great. OK. Cool. Wait. Are you sure that you want to do this, though?
Adam: Yes. Yeah.
Lucy: OK, ’cause, like, we can just talk about it, if you want...
Adam: Let’s not talk about it.
Lucy: Oh, OK. OK. Wait. Should I take my shirt off, or do you want to... Do you want to take it off yourself?
Adam: I’ll take it off.
Lucy: You know what? I’ll take it off.
& Adam: Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re a terrible person.
& Alvin: I’m 58 years old. I’ve been married three times.
Adam: Twice.
Alvin: OK. I’ve got six pictures of my cock on my phone, and two of someone else’s, and I’m still pretty high on the cough syrup, so you can take this with a grain of salt, but... we don’t pick who we fall in love with. And it never happens like it should.
& Adam: Hey. You can’t call me and tell me that you miss me. I don’t want to have that conversation on the phone. So you can’t text me and you can’t e-mail me, and you can’t... write on my wall. Like, if you really miss me, you need to grow up and get in your car and come and see me.
-- Dict:
frat — братство
soothe — успокаивать; утешать; смягчать; облегчать
+ on Imdb.
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