People look at politicians and celebrities on the TV and the newspapers, glossy magazines — what do they see? “I’m just like them.” That’s what they say. “I’m special. I’m different. I could be any one of them.” Well guess what, you can’t. You know why? Cause in reality, mediocrity is where most people live. Mediocrity is the elephant in the room. It’s ubiquitous. Mediocrity in your schools. It’s in your dreams. It’s in your family. And those of us who know this — those of us who understand the disease of the dull — we do something about it. We do more because we have to. The deck was always stacked against us. You’re either a big leaguer, or you’re a slave clawing your way onto the “C” train.
Some people say Jack Abramoff moves too fast. Jack Abramoff cuts corners. Well, I say to them, if that’s the difference between me and my family having the good life and walkin’ and using the subway every day, then so be it. I will not allow my family to be slaves. I will not allow the world I touch to be vanilla. You say I’m selfish? Fuck you! I give back. I give back plenty. You say I — I got a big ego? Fuck you twice! I’m humbly grateful for the wonderful gift that I’ve received here in America the greatest country on this planet. I’m Jack Abramoff. And oh, yeah, I work out every day.
& Abramoff: I only eat kosher, okay. You do serve kosher!?
Warden: Mr. Abramoff, this is a federal holding facility. It is not kosher.
& Abramoff: Jack Abramoff.
Snake: Snake.
Abramoff: What are you in for, Snake?
Snake: Assault and battery, resisting arrest... chicken shit things like that. How about you?
Abramoff: Oh me? I work in D.C. I am a lobbyist.
Snake: Lobbyist. That against the law?
& Abramoff: Next to God, faith and country, nothing’s more important than influence. Political influence. Influences with the powerful is like the influence with God. Without it, there’s only eternal hellfire, damnation and congressional log jam. Here, the influence we wield is more important than the air you breathe.
& Michael Scanlon: Great! Now I gotta sandbag my drive so Ponchos doesn’t spew on his shoes.
Abramoff: Ponchos been prime to arrange that he got his picture taken with Bush.
Michael: Three years ago, his tribe is weaving pine needles and selling key chains.
Abramoff: Now he must be able to drive a Hummer and buy condos in Hawaii.
Michael: You tell me why these clowns get to own casinos and made 20 millions a year?
Abramoff: Well, I don’t know? Maybe 300 years of genocide, that’s not good enough reason for you, champ?
& Manny: We hired you because the partners felt we needed someone who have friends in the Bush administration.
Abramoff: It’s not about friends, Manny... it’s about ideas. Then you guys on the right used to have ideas. But now that communism is gone, all you think about is money. So you invite me out for an iced vanilla cha just to remind me that I’m a right wing fascist, that’s kind of beneath you, isn’t it Manny!?
& Michael: 145 million? How’re we going to swing it?
Abramoff: We’re gonna used our most powerful resource, Mikey... My imagination.
& Abramoff: Come on, honey. You know, I love the movie. And I’m a Hollywood producer.
Sarah Abramoff: You produced two Dolph Lundgren movies piece, okay. You work in Washington now.
Abramoff: Okay. Washington is Hollywood with ugly faces.
& Adam Kidan: For a Jew, I bet you got a lot of cold Christmas cards.
Abramoff: We see our share of inactivity since.
& Michael: Dude, seriously. I’m worried about Emily. She hasn’t return my calls since yesterday.
Abramoff: Well, you sleep in the bed you make, my friend.
& Agent Hanlon: Miss Miller, is it a federal issue?
Emily: You bet!
& Ralph: It’s a little embarrassing, Jack.
Abramoff: Look, he’s a Jewish kid from the West Bank. He’s tired of having Hamas lobbed rocket into his neighbourhood. He wanted to build a sniper school and I help him out.
Ralph: With a shipment of a thousand night vision goggles?
Abramoff: Okay! So we make a lot of money, right. Don’t you think it’s our obligation to help the children to get good karma.
Ralph: You bought them from the Russians.
Abramoff: I’ve got a lot of good contacts in Moscow now.
Ralph: Jack, Newsweek is calling you a “Zionist thug.”
Abramoff: You got that Time magazine article?.. The same week, the Newsweek calls me a Zionist thug, Time magazine accuses me of supporting Islamic terrorism because I gave money to Grover to help him mobilise Republicans muslim in Ohio. Abramoff: They’re passion maniac, you know that.
Ralph: A lot of people are talking, Jack. You’re drawing too much attention to our profession.
Abramoff: Bunch of woozies!
Ralph: Jack, this isn’t the 90’s anymore. Look around, it’s post 9/11. Bill Clinton isn’t running around boasting about budget surplus, drinking crew got him crystal flu’s.
Abramoff: Bill Clinton is the best thing that ever happened to Washington. And I say that as a Republican.
Ralph: Let me spell it out for you. K Street doesn’t like the limelight, Jack. The partners and I are giving you a warning.
& Tom DeLay: Jack, you remember Reverend Mueller from my home district, don’t you?
Abramoff: Yes.
Tom DeLay: Take a seat, Mr. Abramoff. You’ve a lot to answer for, Jack. And there just so much I don’t understand... But first, I think it’s important that we, sat here together as man of faith and pray. Jack?.. In the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ...
& Abramoff: ... The right of individual groups and corporations to lobby the federal government is protected by the right to petition in the First Amendment of the United States constitution, huh!
Snake: So, what’s the problem?
Abramoff: Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t know!
& Sarah: What are you gonna do?
Abramoff: I’m... tell him. I’m gonna tell him I was doing my goddamn job. That’s what I was doing, my job!
Attorney: Jack! They’re not going to play nice, understand that. I strongly suggest that you go in there, you plead the Fifth.
Abramoff: The Fifth?! I might as well say I’m guilty. I will not plead the Fifth!
+ on Imdb.
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