The Roommate Transmogrification*
Season 4, Episode 24
& Howard: You gotta like this, the girlfriend and the ex-girlfriend bonding over your rooty-tooty stinky booty.
Leonard: Kill me.
Sheldon: It wouldn’help. The human body is capable of being flatulent for hours after death.
& Bernadette: The thesis committee accepted my doctoral dissertation. I’m getting my PhD!
Penny: {...} Wow, so that means you’re a doctor, you’re a doctor, you’re a doctor, you’re a doctor, and Howard, you know a lot of doctors.
Howard: Congratulations, honey.
Leonard: So, Howard, tell us, how’s it feel knowing that when you two get married, you’ll be referred to as Mr. and Dr. Wolowitz?
& Howard: Hey, what’s up?
Mrs. Wolowitz: Is that my future daughter-in-law, the doctor?!
Howard: No, Ma! It’s Raj!
Mrs. Wolowitz: He’s a doctor too, right?!
Howard: Yes!
Mrs. Wolowitz: Like Leonard and the skinny weirdo?!
Howard: Sheldon, yes! Everybody’s a doctor but me!
Mrs. Wolowitz: Well, whose fault is that?!
& Howard: What’s up?
Raj: Leonard’s putting disgusting memories in my memory foam mattress.
& Howard: Ma, can Rajesh sleep over?!
Mrs. Wolowitz: Of course, he and I can play doctor!
Raj: She’s kidding, right?
Howard: I don’t know, she’s pretty feisty* since they put her on hormone-replacement therapy.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Paging Dr. Cutie Pie!
& Sheldon: I must say, Amy, I was very impressed to see that Bernadette got her PhD.
Amy: It’s indeed admirable. Although, it is... microbiology.
Sheldon: Your doctorate is in neurobiology. I fail to see the distinction.
Amy: I’ll make it simple for you. I study the brain, the organ responsible for Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony. Bernadette studies yeast*, the organism responsible for Michelob Lite.
& Leonard: What are you doing here?!
Raj: I was sleeping.
Leonard: In my bed?
Raj: Well, I would’ve slept in my own bed, but it was being used to bring shame to my family.
& Leonard: Okay, well, how about this: until Priya gets her own place, you stay here and I’ll stay at your apartment.
Raj: Can I bring girls here?
Leonard: You?.. Sure. Bring as many as you want.
Raj: Okay, deal.
Leonard: ... Just not against their will.
& Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it’s “Penny, get your own Wi-Fi.” No spaces.
Penny: Thanks.
& Penny: What do you mean “new roommate”? What happened to Leonard?!
Sheldon: The same thing that happened to Homo erectus. He was replaced by a superior species.
Raj: I’m the new Homo in town. ... That came out wrong.
& Penny: Wo Leonard and Priya are living together? That’s big.
Sheldon: No. Origami napkin swans... that’s the headline.
Raj: It’s a good thing.
& Howard: So do you know what kind of research you’ll be doing at this pharmaceutical company?
Bernadette: Well, there are a couple of opportunities available, but I volunteered for the premature ejaculation project.
Howard: ..........
Bernadette: I mean, it’s not like either one of us has heart disease.
& Raj: More wine?
Penny: Oh, no, no, no. I’ve had way too much already.
Sheldon: Here’s an interesting fact about alcohol...
Penny: Hit me!
& Sheldon: Man is not the only species that ferments fruit in order to become intoxicated. Can you guess what the other is? Hint: sometimes they pack the alcohol in their trunks.
Penny: ... Monkeys?..
Sheldon: When does a monkey have a trunk?
Penny: When a suitcase just won’t do.
& Penny: Okay... explain something to me. You watch Leonard put up with that guy for years and years. What has to break inside your brain for you to think, “Oh, Krishna, I’ve got to get me some of that”?
& Penny: Leonard’s a noisy little dude in the sack.
Raj: Every night.
Penny: Really? Even during allergy season, when he has to alternate between kissing and breathing?
Raj: ... It’s about my sister. Can we not talk about this anymore?
& Penny: Can I tell you a secret?
Raj: Yeah!
Penny: I screwed up... Leonard’s a great guy. Never should have broken up with him.
Raj: Well, uh, to paraphrase Shakespeare: “It’s better to have loved and lost than to stay home every night and download increasingly shameful pornography.”
& Penny: Ohh... you poor baby.
Raj: What’s wrong with me, Penny?
Penny: Nothing, nothing. You know, if we weren’t friends, and you hadn’t brought up that creepy pornography story, I’d be on you like the speed of light squared on matter to make energy.
Raj: Hey, you totally got that right! “E=mc2.”
Penny: I listen. I have no idea what it means, but I listen.
& Penny: Okay, look. This never happened.
Raj: ......
Penny: Do you understand me?
Raj: ......
Penny: Really?! Still can’t talk to me?
Raj: ......
& Sheldon: What are you doing here?!
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: I said, what are you doing here?
Leonard: I live here.
Sheldon: I have paperwork that says differently.
& Leonard: Priya’s going back to India.
Sheldon: Irrelevant. Rajesh and I have a good thing going and you’re not going to ruin it.
& Howard: What are you doing here?
Howard: I’ve been up all night. I had a fight with Bernadette.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: She gave me a beautiful watch.
Sheldon: Leonard, do you understand this?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Talk to him.
& Penny: Damn.
Leonard: What’s going on?
Penny: Oh... It’s-it’s not what it looks like.
Sheldon: What does it look like?
--- Dict:
Transmogrification — метаморфоза; удивительное превращение
feisty — энергичный; напористый; обидчивый; раздражительный
yeast — дрожжи
On Imdb.
And this was
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