Rickternal Friendshine of the Spotless Mort

Rick and Morty 5x8

Beth: There's wafer cookies in the cupboard. And I left emergency numbers on the fridge.
Rick: Yeah yeah. W-wait, what? Emergency numbers on the fridge? What does that even mean?
Beth: Honestly, I don't even know. I've seen so many movies that start with the parents leaving, it just popped out of my mouth.

Rick: Okay. Bring him out.
A.I.: Initiating best friend rejuvenation sequence.
Rick: Excuse me? Did I pick that name?
A.I.: Sequence was unnamed. What would you like to call this?... Pause detected. Pause gravity class... Heavy. Approaching pause pregnancy in p-minus 5... 4...
Rick: Jesus [bleep] Christ.

Rick: What's the problem?
A.I.: Processing... Missing object. In: Mind.
Rick: Name missing object.
A.I.: Mind. Frustration: Predicted. Existence: Desired. Explanation: Initiated.

A.I.: Subject mind relocated within subject mind by: Subject mind.

Rick: How can a mind be hidden by itself inside itself?
A.I.: Suggestion: Conscious mind relocated to--
Rick: Unconscious mind. Fine. I'm going in.
A.I.: Suggestion: Don't go in.

Rick: I need to [burps] go in and get him.
A.I.: Sequence: "go in and get him" compiled. Process: Convert user to thought; Inject thought into mind. Risk level: Unacceptable.
Rick: If I die, your battery has a 600 year charge.
A.I.: Risk level acceptance: Increasing.
Rick: Yeah, I thought you'd see it my way. Now factor in the 50% chance I'm lying and make sure I get back.
A.I.: Asshole detected.
Rick: Takes one to make one.

Young Rick: My name's Rick.
Birdperson: My culture regards naming as a form of cage. My friends call me Bird Person.
Young Rick: Culture really [bleep] you on that one, huh?
Birdperson: Affirmative.

Rick: I know why you haven't pulled the trigger. You're wondering why I'm old and naked.

Rick: Don't take this badly-- You're a memory of me assembled by our best friend's mind, and you're putting it together because he remembers you as smart.

Young Rick: So, what's my deal? Am I sentient? D-do I have free will?
Rick: Who does?
Young Rick: Who does?

Young Rick: I'm coming with you. Now that I know my life is a lie.
Rick: Wow. You really are 35.

Young Rick: Can we both die in here? A-are we damaging our friend's brain? I-I don't know any of the rules!
Rick: Rule 1-- "All this can be fixed unless I lose bird person." Rules 2 through 50-- "Don't die."

Rick: Okay, your benefit-to-cost ratio is rising.

Rick: Why am I saving a friend that remembers me as this insufferable?

Rick: I-I can't hear you over the sound of us spitting up!

Young Rick: I take it you found BP?
Rick: The dude just blew his mind, and not in a cool way. Like he went to Blue Man group.

Rick: If you die in your friend's brain, you die in real life.

Rick: Your life isn't real, and I didn't save it.

Birdperson: The Battle of Blood Ridge is over. The Federation lost. I am in your debt.
Memory Rick: Come with me.
Birdperson: To somewhere... Nearby?
Memory Rick: Anywhere. E-everywhere.
Birdperson: Rick, I don't expect you to keep fighting, but this war is--
Memory Rick: Far from over, I know. Dude, I share this with almost nobody, but... I could take you, right now, to this same battlefield, in a universe where we lost, or another where we won, or another where the war never even happened. All equally real, all equally unreal. None of it matters.
Birdperson: Then why did you help?
Memory Rick: Because I respect you. And I wanted you to know you could respect me.
Birdperson: Even though nothing matters?
Memory Rick: Okay. You matter-- to me.

Rick: Eat my ass, BP. You're down here bailing on the rest of us because you don't want to process your grief and shame like a normal person by drinking and mistreating strangers.
Birdperson: No, Rick, it is you who must nibble my cloaca, or "bird asshole."
Rick: Everyone knows what a cloaca is.

Birdperson: Sorry, but we do not get to choose the ones we love.
Rick: You got that right. Why do you think I'm still [bleep] down here?

Birdperson: I died at my wedding, Rick. I am merely waiting for it to take effect.

Rick: Listen, if you won't live for yourself, live for the half-bird person, half-megabitch that's eatin' worms on a prison asteroid.
Birdperson: I have made a decision. I would now like to live.

Birdperson: I will see you when I see you.

Rick: You don't have to be an enemy just because you exist.

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Quotes on the IMDb