Chapter 5: An Agent Crowns

The Kominsky Method 1×5

Sandy Kominsky: What is up?
Dr. Wexler: I've got good news and less good news.
Sandy Kominsky: Let's start with the less good news.
Dr. Wexler: Pick again.

Dr. Wexler: We did find a couple of slow-moving cancer cells in the biopsy.
Sandy Kominsky: Wait. So I do have prostate cancer?
Dr. Wexler: Technically, yes. But you don't have to worry about it. I mean, we gotta keep our eye on it, but frankly, at your age, somethin' else in your body is gonna kill you before your prostate does.
Sandy Kominsky: I'm confused. Is this a cause for celebration?
Dr. Wexler: Well, it's a little early in the morning, but sure, maybe a mimosa.

Sandy Kominsky: Ah. Screw it. Call it in to my pharmacy.
Dr. Wexler: Yeah. Yeah, I'll call it in for you. Have a nice day.
Sandy Kominsky: "Have a nice day?" You just told me I've got cancer.
Dr. Wexler: Yeah, but you've got the nice kind. Bye-bye!

Haitian Newlander: Well, you just can't sit around here and worry.
Norman Newlander: Sure I can. I'm actually very good at it.
Haitian Newlander: Maybe you should think about going back to work.
Norman Newlander: It's better that I worry there?

Sandy Kominsky: Look at these people. Happy, clueless. Taking their assholes for granted...

Sandy Kominsky: Excuse me, ladies! I'm not a pervert. I'm an actor.

Norman Newlander: Look at that. No one talks to each other anymore.
Jeanine: They're talking. Just to people who are elsewhere.
Norman Newlander: That's not talking. Talking is with your voice, eye contact, body language, maybe a gesture, touch.
Jeanine: Oh, there's no touching these days. Don't touch anybody!

Lisa: I don't wanna diminish your efforts, but, uh... did what just happen require any... pharmaceutical help?
Sandy Kominsky: No. Nope. Unless you count 20 mg of Crestor, 10 mg of Claritin, half a mill of Flomax, three grams of acetaminophen, one baby aspirin, and a smear of hydrocortisone cream on my left and right shin bones.
Lisa: That is some list.
Sandy Kominsky: Oh, no. I'm not done. I also take omega-3 fatty acids, calcium, vitamins A, C, D, E, and B12, melatonin, CoQ-10, magnesium, potassium, and liquid glucosamine.
Lisa: Jesus. Is that it?
Sandy Kominsky: Yeah. Oh, also Cialis.

Sandy Kominsky: Boy, I'm havin' a good day. My prostate's not gonna kill me, my dick's still working, and I got a job!
Elliott Gould: That's the geriatric hat trick.

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