Chapter 4: A Kegel Squeaks

The Kominsky Method 1×4

Sandy Kominsky: I wanna talk to Dr. Wexler... It's concerning my prostate. That's all you need to know... Sure, I'll hold. If I could hold, it wouldn't be a problem.

Sandy Kominsky: No results yet.
Norman Newlander: Ah. Schrödinger’s prostate.
Sandy Kominsky: What?
Norman Newlander: At the moment, you both do and do not have cancer.
Sandy Kominsky: What a joy you are.

Norman Newlander: I remember my first biopsy. It's very unpleasant.
Sandy Kominsky: Scissors up your asshole. It's never good.
Norman Newlander: Yeah. At least afterwards, when there's blood in your stool, you know where it's coming from.
Sandy Kominsky: Always a joy.

Butcher: Anything else?
Norman Newlander: Yes. In your professional opinion, what is your finest ham?
Butcher: I don't know. They're all good.
Norman Newlander: All right. Let's put it in story form... It's your last meal before you're executed by the state. What ham do you add to your turkey sandwich before they inject you with a cocktail of death?
Butcher: Honey-glazed.
Norman Newlander: Mr Deli Man, a half a pound of honey-glazed, please.

Norman Newlander: We've outlived swiping.

Norman Newlander: I've been thinking a lot about entropy.
Sandy Kominsky: What?
Norman Newlander: The universe's inclination to decline into chaos. It's the second law of thermodynamics. But if you ask me, it should be number one.
Sandy Kominsky: Things are definitely falling apart.
Norman Newlander: You know, I wake up every morning, and my first thought is, what part of me is not working today?

Sandy Kominsky: Can I tell you a secret?
Norman Newlander: Sure.
Sandy Kominsky: Sometimes when I laugh real hard, I fart a little.
Norman Newlander: Oh, please. You're still young. Wait till you're my age. Every time I sneeze, I hear rattling around in my hips. It feels like a foreign object broken loose.
Sandy Kominsky: Yeah, we are passengers on boats slowly sinking.
Norman Newlander: Your boat is slow? I'm like when the Titanic was pointing up.
Sandy Kominsky: Hm. I'm just worried if they take out my prostate, I'm gonna lose my sex drive.
Norman Newlander: You still have a sex drive?
Sandy Kominsky: Yeah. Uh... I mean, I think I do.

Norman Newlander: When I was going through the whole prostate deal, I convinced myself I could turn things around by Kegeling.
Sandy Kominsky: Seriously?
Norman Newlander: It works for women tightening up their hoo-ha.
Sandy Kominsky: But did it help?
Norman Newlander: No. But it gave my anus confidence, and that's half the battle...
Sandy Kominsky: Are you doing it now?
Norman Newlander: Yeah.
Sandy Kominsky: I'll join you...
Norman Newlander: I wish it made a noise...

Sandy Kominsky: What are you up to this fine evening?
Norman Newlander: I'm watching Cocoon. The spaceship is taking the old people into space. That's the happy ending for old people.
Sandy Kominsky: If only it were that easy, huh?
Norman Newlander: Yeah. I remember seeing this in the theater 30 years ago, but it's a whole different thing when you're in the demographic.

Sandy Kominsky: Enjoy it while it lasts.

—
+ Quotes on the IMDb
+ Soundtrack