The Book of Dougs

The Good Place 3×10

Chapter 37

Tahani: Are we sure we're in the actual Good Place? It's rather carpeted.
Jason: Yeah, I don't see any go-karts, much less go-karts being driven by monkeys wearing sunglasses and Hawaiian shirts.

Eleanor: Whoa. That smells like Typhoon Falls, my favorite water park when I was a kid. Mmm. Chlorine, suntan lotion, Band-Aids, and a thick cloud of teen hormones.

Janet: The Good Place smells like whatever makes you happiest.
Chidi: Warm pretzels. Or, no, wait... It's the smell of absolute moral truth?
Janet: Those two things have very similar smells.

Tahani: To me it smells like a curtain closing between first class and economy. Ah, this truly is the Good Place!

Chidi: Why do we need a cover story at all? There are the good guys. Let's just come clean and request asylum.
Jason: Yeah, man, we're refugees. What kind of messed-up place would turn away refugees?

Michael: I'm Michael, and this is my Neutral Janet.
Janet: Hello, also, not hello. It's nothing to meet you. End of statement.

Gwendolyn: The only door for humans is the Official Entrance, which is 500 trillion miles north-south-north of here.

Eleanor: What?! This is how I always got out of escape rooms. If you break enough stuff, they open the door and kick you out.

Eleanor: What is that... two inches thick? That's like four Oreos. We're four Oreos from heaven!

Jason: Thanks, Tahani. It's nice to know I can talk about girls with my wife.

Eleanor: I guess "try and enjoy this" is a better plan than "have the anxiety sweats."

Eleanor: Holy. Forking. Fork.

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Meg: Michael, we have rules, procedures. We're the good guys. We can't just do stuff.

Eleanor: Relationships are stupid. You're scared you're never gonna have a real one, and then when you do, you're scared it's gonna go away.

Chidi: Here's an idea, what if we don't worry about whatever comes next? There's a quote I like by Tolstoy: "There is only one time that is important: Now. It is the only time...
Eleanor: "When we have any power." I know that quote. An unverified Tyra Banks account posted that meme on Instagram.
Chidi: Well, now I hate it.

Michael: The Committee's a bunch of ineffectual dorks in fleece vests. The Titanic is sinking, and they're writing a strongly-worded letter to the iceberg.

Tahani: Every time I do something nice, it backfires. There are so many unintended consequences to well-intentioned actions. Feels like a game you can't win.

Michael: Don't you understand? The Bad Place isn't tampering with points; they don't have to. Because every day the world gets a little more complicated, and being a good person gets a little harder.

The Doorman: So, this is the Good Place, huh? Smells like frogs. Cool.

Michael: The Interdimensional Hole of Pancakes is the most dangerous place in the universe.
Tahani: Then why are we going?
Michael: To save humanity.

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