Don't Let the Good Life Pass You By

The Good Place 3×8

Doug Forcett: Why take fresh water away from the beavers and the fish? No, I have my composting toilet hooked up to a water filtration system. One man's waste is another man's water. And both men are me.

Doug Forcett: It was 1972. My friend Randy and I ate some magic mushrooms. Randy asked me, "what do you think happens when you die?" And I saw with perfect clarity how the afterlife works. Immediately I knew I had to live a perfect life...

Doug Forcett: Well, as long as he's happy... See, if I make him happy, I get the points. That's how the system works, remember?

Janet: He's become a happiness pump... Remember from Chidi's lessons?
Michael: I remember the term happiness pump. That's just mostly because Eleanor and Jason made a bunch of dirty jokes about it.
Janet: It's a criticism of utilitarianism. A happiness pump is someone who is obsessed with maximizing the overall good at his or her expense.

Doug Forcett: We are here to celebrate the life of Martin Luther Gandhi Tyler Moore, the snail.

Doug Forcett: I can't risk it. There's an accountant out there somewhere measuring the value of everything I do. What if I relax and do something that loses me just enough points to keep me out of the Good Place and I'm tortured for eternity? No, I have to make every moment count. It's the only rational way to live.

Michael: ...And I drank his piss!

Eleanor: We were in love, and there's a real possibility that I'm in love with you again. Here. On this plane of existence. Today. Now. In Canada during this brawl with demons.

Jason: Uh, sorry, no, no Michael. You're confused. Evidence isn't a good thing that you want. It's a bad thing that you have to destroy or you go to jail.

Chidi: Wait, did you just say we're gonna di...

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