Jeremy Bearimy

The Good Place 3×4

Michael: I could kill them right now. You know, it would be easy. Their bodies are very poorly made. They're mostly goo and juice. You just take the juice out, and then they're dead.

Michael: I guess I'll start at the beginning. You all died...

Michael: Things in the afterlife don't happen while things are happening here, because while time on Earth moves in a straight line... one thing happens, then the next, then the next... time in the afterlife moves in a "Jeremy Bearimy." ... In the afterlife, time doubles back and loops around and ends up looking something like... "Jeremy Bearimy." This is the timeline in the afterlife. Happens to kind of look like the name "Jeremy Bearimy" in cursive English, so that's what we call it.

Eleanor: Sorry. I'm... my brain is melting. How can events happen before the ones that happened... before?
Michael: It's just the way it works. It's... it's Jeremy Bearimy. I don't know what to tell you. That's the easiest way to describe it.
Chidi: Okay, but, um... what the hell is this? The dot over the I... what the hell is that?
Michael: Okay, um, how do I explain this concisely? This is Tuesdays... and also July.
Janet: And sometimes it's never.
Michael: That's true. Occasionally that moment on the Bearimy timeline is the time-moment when nothing never occurs.

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Bartender: Look, there have to be rules. Every place has rules.
Eleanor: Ugh, fine. Here are my rules. Rule number one... I get to do whatever I want, and you all just have to deal with it. Rule two... no more Spider-Man movies. There's way too many Spider-Man movies! Too many dorky little twerpy Spider-Men. Rule three... everyone leave me alone.

Bartender: So you just take care of yourself. You don't owe anything to anyone else? If people lived that way, society would break down.
Eleanor: Yeah, in America, everyone does whatever they want. Society did break down. It's terrible, and it's great. You only look out for number one, scream at whoever disagrees with you. There are no bees because they all died, and if you need surgery, you just beg for money on the Internet. It's a perfect system.

Eleanor: Well, well, well... a wallet. My rules say I get to take the cash out and keep it, because in my society, I do whatever I want, 'cause I'm awesome.

Chidi: I'm gonna teach you the meaning of life... Now, over the last 2,500 years, Western philosophers have formed three main theories on how to live an ethical life. Now, first off, there's virtue ethics. Aristotle believed that there were certain virtues of mind and character, like courage or generosity, and you should try to develop yourself in accordance with those virtues...
    Next, there's consequentialism. The basis for judgment about whether something is right or wrong stems from the consequences of that action. How much utility, or good, did it accomplish versus how much pain, or bad.
    And finally, there's deontology, the school of thought that there are strict rules and duties that everyone must adhere to in a functioning society. Being ethical is simply identifying and obeying those duties and following those rules.
    But here's the thing, my little chili babies, all three of those theories are hot, stinky cat dookie. The true meaning of life, the actual ethical system that you should all follow is nihilism. The world is empty. There is no point to anything, and you're just gonna die. So do whatever. And now I'm gonna eat my marshmallow-candy chili in silence, and you all can jump up your own butts.

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