Dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot

Two and a Half Men 11×21

& Gretchen: How do you afford the rent, Alan?.. What’s so funny?
    Alan: Well, I don’t pay rent, per Se. Or per month. Or per year.
    Gretchen: Really? No rent? How long has that been going on?
    Jenny: Three years with Walden, eight years with my dad.

& Gretchen: You have been living here for 11 years for free?.. I have never wanted you more. Who’s my cheap daddy?
    Alan: Would you like to see the bedroom I don’t pay for?
    Gretchen: Would you like to see my boobs I bought with a Groupon?
    Alan: Will you let me get my grope on?

& Walden: Nice to meet you, Gretchen. Make yourself at home... I’ve got to stop saying that.

---

& Barry: You know what my dad got me for my 16th birthday? Box of condoms and a card that said, «Don’t make the same mistake I did.» He was a joker.

& Jenny: So, is this your car? It still got the «Vote For Bush» bumper sticker on it. You were a Republican?
    Walden: No, my friends and I just thought it was funny... You know, «Bush».
    Barry: Tell you what. I love Bush.
    Jenny: You and me, both.

& Berta: I was saving this for your funeral... But, Zippy, you’re a charmer.
    Alan: Thanks, Berta.
    Berta: No, thank you. Now, I don’t have to go to your funeral.

--
+ quotes on the IMDb