Welcome Home, Jake

Two and a Half Men 11×17

& Barry: Hey, Jeff Strongman looks good in that hat.
    Alan: Top of the day to you, too, sir.
    Walden: Wait, you can tell when he’s not Alan?
    Barry: Oh, yeah. Jeff exudes a quiet confidence. Whereas Alan... just exudes.

& Barry: Walden, I am loving it here. I mean, pizza, lesbians, weed scavenger hunts...

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& Walden: Did you see that? Don’t be them! I only let you stay for a few days to help you transition.
    Barry: Okay, okay, I got another idea. Bacon-flavored eggs. All me and you got to figure out is how to make the chicken and the pig have sex.
    Jenny: Maybe you could show them the lesbian porn...

& Walden: Barry, listen to me! I’m gonna say something to you that I have never said before.... You can’t live with me!... My God. I did it! I’m sorry, you’re my first.
    Barry: No, no, I don’t wanna be your first! Your first should be special, like a whore your step-dad buys you... Is an example I just made up.

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On the IMDb