Lucifer 1×1

Pilot

& Polce Officer: You know why I pulled you over?
    Lucifer: Well, obviously, you felt the need to exercise your limited powers and punish me for ignoring the speed limit. It’s okay. I understand. I-I like to punish people, too. Or at least I used to.

& Amenadiel: Your return to the Underworld has been requested.
    Lucifer: Oh, right, okay. Let me just, uh, check my calendar. Yeah, here it is. Uh, the seventh of never through to the 15th of ain’t-gonna-happen.

& Lucifer: Do you think I’m the Devil because I’m inherently evil, just because dear old Dad decided I was?..

& Delilah: With all the good came a hell of a lot of bad.
    Lucifer: Oh, right, so the Devil made you do it, did he? The alcohol and the drugs, the topless selfies... The choices are on you, my dear.

& Chloe: «Lucifer Morningstar»? Is that, uh, a stage name or something?
    Lucifer: God-given, I’m afraid.

& Lucifer: Oh, no, he wasn’t quite dead. His soul hadn’t crossed the threshold.

& 2Vile: «Lucifer Morningstar»? Now, that’s a good hip-hop name.

& 2Vile: What, you don’t like hip-hop?
    Lucifer: No, I most certainly do not.
    2Vile: Well, that offends me. You have a problem with black people?
    Lucifer: No, not in the slightest. I just hate your music. And when I say «your music,» I mean your music. Not the music made by other black people. Without the blues, there’d be no devil’s music whatsoever. There are, of course, many giants in the field.

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& Chloe: How could you possibly help me?
    Lucifer: I have a certain skill set. I can be very persuasive with people and tend to see things that others cannot.
    Chloe: So, you’re psychic or something?
    Lucifer: No, I can’t read people’s minds. I’m not a Jedi. People just like to tell me things.

& Lucifer: I have no power over people’s sins. I actually get a bad rap for that. I have the ability to draw out people’s forbidden desires. The more simple the human, the easier it is. The more complex, the more challenging and exciting, really. But no, the actual sins, the sins are on you people.

& Chloe: .....when I say to shut up and get in the damn car.
    Lucifer: You’re not, like, a Jedi or something, are you?

& Beatrice: Like the Devil??
    Lucifer: Exactly.

& Beatrice: Bye, Lucifer. It was nice meeting you.

& Lucifer: That is interesting ’cause... you don’t look at me that way.
    Chloe: What way?
    Lucifer: With carnal fascination.

& Chloe: Truth be told, I find you repulsive. Like, on a chemical level.

& Lucifer: My word is my bond.

& Chloe: Mr. Cooper, when did you last have contact with Delilah?
    Lucifer: Well, actually, I just have one more question before you proceed with the boring ones... Tell me, Mr. Cooper, what do you want more than anything in this world? What’s your deepest, darkest desire? You close your eyes, what do you see?

& Chloe: God, what am I doing here?
    Lucifer: Wrong deity, but, yes, that is the eternal question.

& Chloe: Who the hell are you?
    Lucifer: I told you, I’m...
    Beatrice: Lucifer!

& Maze: Stop caring. You’re the Devil.
    Lucifer: Yes. I am.

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