I'm a Motherf**King Scorpion, That's Why

House of Lies 4×2

& Sarah: You are such a pussy sometimes.
    Doug: Well, I am what I eat.

& Jeannie: I’m not giving you my baby.
    Sarah: You are so fucking selfish.
    Jeannie: And you are so fucking bat-shit crazy.

& Marty: I liked the fables. And, uh, they had this one about a scorpion and a frog. You familiar with it? Um...
        So, this scorpion asks this frog to carry it across a stream or something, whatever. And, uh, the frog is, like, «No way, man. You’re gonna sting me.» And the scorpion assures the frog that this is in neither of their best interests. «I mean, I kill you, I drown, right?» So, the frog sees the wisdom in this, and the scorpion hops on his back, boom, off they go. Then midstream, sure enough. Scorpion stings the frog. And as they both start to sink, the dying frog manages a weak, «Why?» And the scorpion says, «’Cause I’m a motherfucking scorpion, that’s why.»
        I mean, I paraphrased it slightly. You’re a dishonest person, Jeannie. And I get dishonesty. I mean, I do, of course, but... yours doesn’t seem to have an off switch.

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& Doug: All right. Let’s just sit here and scowl at each other. God forgive me for trying to inject a little fun into the proceedings.
    Clyde: How is any of this supposed to be fun?
    Doug: Are you k... Have you even tried the binoculars? Look at them. They zoom. Give it a shot.

& Monica: William... What did I tell you about fraternizing with the enemy? I’m just kidding... As if a rapidly shrinking speck in the consulting universe like Kaan & Associates could ever be considered an enemy.
    Doug: Well, I mean, even a single-celled parasite can take down a lion.
    Clyde: Strong rebuttal.
    Doug: Thank you.

& Monica: Hey, Jeannie, how’s Edwin?.. I can’t wait to meet him. The father of your child.

& Jeannie: It’s yours.
Ω Sure thing.
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On the IMDb

+ Song from last scene of the episode.