Grab a Feather and Get in Line

Two and a Half Men 10×13

& Alan: Come on, Walden, look at you. You’re a disgusting blob. Can you even see your penis past that gut?
    Walden: My penis is like Santa Claus: I don’t need to see it, I just need to believe in it.

& Walden: I just hope she doesn’t like Sam more than Walden.
    Alan: Why would she?
    Walden: A lot of reasons. One, Sam’s better in bed.
    Alan: What?!
    Walden: He tries harder. He has to compensate for all the other things he doesn’t have. He’s banging scared.
    Alan: If that’s true, I’d be the best lay on the planet.

---

& Alan: Oh, God, can you believe this? All these women, and I’m off the market.
    Walden: Yeah, because that’s what models are looking for: Middle-aged, twice-divorced, broke-ass guy... who lives in a guest room with a dehumidifier and my old tax returns.
    Alan: Ooh. «I make enough money to pay taxes.» Rub my nose in it.

& Walden: I have a lot of money. In fact, I have more than a lot. Like, think about a lot of money and then multiply it by 10... thousand.

--
More info on the IMDb