& Stuart: Hello, ladies. Hi, my name’s Stuart.
& Pastor: What led you away from the church to begin with?
Jessica: Oh, well, I remember when I was a kid, I asked the pastor how Jesus rose from the dead... like, physically, how could he do that? And he sort of just dodged the question. And that frustrated me.
Pastor: Well, sometimes we ask questions when we’re young only to find the answers when we’re older.
Jessica: Yeah... So how did he rise from the dead?
& Glenn: You’re all set.
Stuart: Am I?
Glenn: When you start talking to her, there’s three things you need to do... one, establish a connection, two, break the touch barrier, and three, sexualize the conversation. And four... don’t be a pussy.
Stuart: Connection, touch, sexualize, pussy. I’ve got it.
& Stuart: Glenn, sorry to interrupt. I broke the touch barrier, what was next?
Glenn: Sexualize the conversation.
Stuart: How do I do that exactly?
& Stuart: I think we would’ve been happier in the Middle Ages. ’Cause in those days, you didn’t go on multiple dates looking for the one, you know? You just married the only person in the village who was single and hadn’t died of plague yet.
& Jessica: Uh, for a while, I worked in information distribution.
H.R. Woman: And what is information distribution?
Jessica: It is... the delivery... of news... in paper form to consumers of all ages.
H.R. Woman: You delivered newspapers?
& Stuart: I’m great, thank you, yeah. What can I say? Living the dream, you know? Wake up every day, the sun’s shining.
& Stuart: What are the rules? I don’t know what the fucking rules are here.
& Stuart: Are you doing an Australian accent?
Nicole Kidman: No, this is how I speak.
Stuart: That’s how you speak. Okay, I’ve never seen any of your films.
Ω !!!!
& Stuart: I’ve sort of developed feelings for Jessica. Which I did act upon last eve.
Glenn: You mean you fucked her?
Stuart: I wouldn’t put it like that. No, I would say that we, um, intercoursed... sexually.
& Kate: Um, so here’s a good question... Um, let’s say you can only have three items in your earthquake kit, right? What do you choose?
Wade: One, flashlight. Two, iodine tablets. Three...
Kate: Whistle!
Wade: Whistle.
& Alan: Don’t get hung up on any one woman. Not worth it. You know what pussy is spelled backwards?
Stuart: No.
Alan: «Wise up.»
& Stuart: Do you know what I think it’s about? Love?
Jessica: Hmm?
Stuart: Percentages.
Jessica: Percentages?
Stuart: It’s all about percentages. You know, like, all right, look at you and me, okay? Now 18% of the time, you drove me crazy. I’m talking fucking insane, all right? But 82% of the time, I had more fun with you than anyone ever. You know, that was good enough for me.
& Jessica: Stuart. 79%.
Stuart: .....Josh makes you happy 79% of the time? I’d stick with that bloke.
--
On the IMDb
Σ Decent way to round things up after the show was cancelled. ++Brilliant Nicole Kidman!
& Pastor: What led you away from the church to begin with?
Jessica: Oh, well, I remember when I was a kid, I asked the pastor how Jesus rose from the dead... like, physically, how could he do that? And he sort of just dodged the question. And that frustrated me.
Pastor: Well, sometimes we ask questions when we’re young only to find the answers when we’re older.
Jessica: Yeah... So how did he rise from the dead?
& Glenn: You’re all set.
Stuart: Am I?
Glenn: When you start talking to her, there’s three things you need to do... one, establish a connection, two, break the touch barrier, and three, sexualize the conversation. And four... don’t be a pussy.
Stuart: Connection, touch, sexualize, pussy. I’ve got it.
& Stuart: Glenn, sorry to interrupt. I broke the touch barrier, what was next?
Glenn: Sexualize the conversation.
Stuart: How do I do that exactly?
& Stuart: I think we would’ve been happier in the Middle Ages. ’Cause in those days, you didn’t go on multiple dates looking for the one, you know? You just married the only person in the village who was single and hadn’t died of plague yet.
& Jessica: Uh, for a while, I worked in information distribution.
H.R. Woman: And what is information distribution?
Jessica: It is... the delivery... of news... in paper form to consumers of all ages.
H.R. Woman: You delivered newspapers?
& Stuart: I’m great, thank you, yeah. What can I say? Living the dream, you know? Wake up every day, the sun’s shining.
& Stuart: What are the rules? I don’t know what the fucking rules are here.
& Stuart: Are you doing an Australian accent?
Nicole Kidman: No, this is how I speak.
Stuart: That’s how you speak. Okay, I’ve never seen any of your films.
Ω !!!!
& Stuart: I’ve sort of developed feelings for Jessica. Which I did act upon last eve.
Glenn: You mean you fucked her?
Stuart: I wouldn’t put it like that. No, I would say that we, um, intercoursed... sexually.
& Kate: Um, so here’s a good question... Um, let’s say you can only have three items in your earthquake kit, right? What do you choose?
Wade: One, flashlight. Two, iodine tablets. Three...
Kate: Whistle!
Wade: Whistle.
& Alan: Don’t get hung up on any one woman. Not worth it. You know what pussy is spelled backwards?
Stuart: No.
Alan: «Wise up.»
& Stuart: Do you know what I think it’s about? Love?
Jessica: Hmm?
Stuart: Percentages.
Jessica: Percentages?
Stuart: It’s all about percentages. You know, like, all right, look at you and me, okay? Now 18% of the time, you drove me crazy. I’m talking fucking insane, all right? But 82% of the time, I had more fun with you than anyone ever. You know, that was good enough for me.
& Jessica: Stuart. 79%.
Stuart: .....Josh makes you happy 79% of the time? I’d stick with that bloke.
--
On the IMDb
Σ Decent way to round things up after the show was cancelled. ++Brilliant Nicole Kidman!
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