The Junior Professor Solution

The Big Bang Theory 8×2

& Sheldon: I’m sensing awkwardness, am I right?
    Amy: Yes.
    Sheldon: Swish.

& Sheldon: Mrs. Davis. Guess who?
    Mrs. Davis: Dr. Cooper.
    Sheldon: That’s right, good job.

& Amy: I’m stimulating the pleasure cells of this starfish. I just need to turn it off.
    Penny: What happens if you don’t?
    Amy: Then I have to sit through lunch knowing this starfish is having a better day than I am.

& Penny: I just need a little break from her.
    Amy: I understand. You know, there is some research... that indicates that sharing negative attitudes about a third party can be a powerful bonding force between two friends.
    Penny: So, what are you saying?
    Amy: I’m saying, in the spirit of science... what is that little skank’s problem?

& Raj: So, I’ve been trying to come up with a cute couple’s nickname for me and Emily. What do you like better— Emippali... or Koothrapemily?
    Howard: Why is it your last name and her first name?
    Raj: Oh, well, her last name is Sweeney, and something just didn’t seem right about Koothrapeeney.

& Sheldon: I can’t believe I have to waste my time babysitting a bunch of grad students who probably think dark matter is what’s in their diapers.
    Leonard: This might not be that bad. Uh, you like telling people they’re wrong.
    Sheldon: Wrong! Just because I enjoyed that one doesn’t mean I always do.

& Howard: And you love the sound of your own voice.
    Sheldon: Yeah, well, of course I do. Listen to it. It’s like an earful of melted caramel.

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& Amy: It’s taken 15 years, but high school is finally awesome! I love them both, but I’m in the center now, and I love that even more.

& Sheldon: Amy, please. I am trying to figure out a way to intellectually emasculate a dear friend of mine.

& Sheldon: Now, what about Euler-Lagrange theorems?
    Howard: That’s where I’m a little fuzzy.
    Sheldon: Ha! I knew it! All right. We have a lot of information to cover before your first test. Which, by the way, is in eight minutes. The good news is I’m grading on a curve, so you’re pretty much guaranteed a C.

& Sheldon: What are you doing?
    Howard: If you’re gonna be a crappy teacher, then I’m gonna be a crappy student.

& Sheldon: This is an institution of higher learning, I am your professor, and you’re going to treat me with the prop...... You shot your spit in my mouth!
    Howard: Is that gonna be on the test? Because I don’t think I can do that again.

& Leonard: Sheldon, I-I promise. Your uvula does not have an STD.
    Sheldon: Are you sure? It just doesn’t feel as innocent as it used to.

& Howard: You reported me to human resources?
    Sheldon: You violated the sanctity of my mouth!

& Leonard: We are so smart!
    Raj: Why didn’t girls like us in high school?
    Howard: Because we were awkward and weird and couldn’t play sports!
    Leonard: Right again!

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On the IMDb