Dance Dance Revelation

Modern Family 2×10

& Cameron: She’s... She’s not much of a disciplinarian. Because I can assure you... if our child did something like this... we would be on her like white on rice. And I know that sounds a little bit like a racial slur... because we’re white and she presumably likes rice... but I didn’t intend it that way.

& Gloria: I want you to know there’s more to being a man... than just shopping for fancy outfits.
    Jay: Yep. Pretty soon you get some hair on your chest. You start answering the phone, people don’t think you’re ladies.

& Jay: Come on. Today, Miss Daisy.
    Manny: Actually, Miss Daisy was the one being driven, not the one driving.
    Jay: Never saw it.
    Manny: It’s called Driving Miss Daisy.

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& Phil: ’I love Jay. Are you kidding me? He’s my boy. Yeah, he gives me a hard time, but that’s the deal with a father-in-law. The key is, I never let him see just how much it devastates me.’

& Phil: It’s Dunphy.
    Jay: That’s what I said... Dumphy.
    Phil: No, not «Dum.» Dunphy.
    Jay: Dumphy.
    Phil: Say «Dun.»
    Jay: Dun.
    Phil: Say «phy.»
    Jay: Phy.
    Phil: Dunphy.
    Jay: Dumphy.

& Cameron: Did you find anything yet?
    Mitchell: Yes. There’s a whole section on biting on this mommy forum.
Cameron: Oh, good. What does it say?.....
    Mitchell: Okay, well, this one says, «When my daughter bit her brother... I put a pinch of pepper in her mouth. She cried and cried, but she never bit again.» Smiley face.
    Cameron: Oh, well, the smiley face makes it okay. I waterboarded our toddler. LOL.

& Phil: ’We like to think we’re so smart... and we have all the answers.And we want to pass all that on to our children. But if you scratch beneath the surface... you don’t have to dig very deep to find the kid you were. Which is why it’s kinda crazy that now we’re raising kids of our own... I guess that’s the real circle of life. Your parents faked their way through it... you fake your way through it... and hopefully you don’t raise a serial killer.’

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+ quotes on the IMDb