The Cooper Extraction

The Big Bang Theory 7×11

& Penny: Wow, you’re really good at this.
    Amy: Well, I have an extremely low center of gravity. I’m like a pyramid.

& Leonard: I hope it’s just a sprain. I cannot walk into that E.R. with another video game injury.

& Leonard: Is someone sick?
    Sheldon: Yes. My sister’s uterus came down with a baby.
    Penny: Oh, she’s pregnant? That’s great. You’re gone an uncle— Uncle Sheldon.
    Sheldon: No, I will be Uncle Dr. Cooper.

& Amy: How come you never said she was pregnant?
    Sheldon: Well, I never told you about my brother’s kidney stone. You want to hear about everything that comes out of my family’s genitals?

& Penny: So, how long will you be gone?
    Sheldon: Well, she’s due tomorrow. Although it did take her six years to finish high school, so who knows?

& Amy: Can I give you a ride to the airport?
    Sheldon: Oh, no, thank you, I don’t want to be an inconvenience. Chop-chop, Leonard. We leave in ten minutes.

& Raj: Wait, so [without Sheldon] Star Wars and Star Trek characters can go on the same branch?

& Howard: I’ve never done this before. It’s kind of fun.
    Raj: Yeah, if your mom could see her little Bar Mitzvah boy right now, she’d have a heart attack.
    Bernadette: Good idea, I’ll take a picture.

& Raj: If you were having Sheldon’s baby would you really want him in the room?
    Penny: Yeah, if he’s in the room when they’re making the baby, I’ll give you ten dollars.

& Amy: You make jokes about Sheldon, but if it weren’t for him, I don’t think any of us would be sitting in this room right now.

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& Leonard: I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna ask her out.
    Howard: I’m gonna squirt chocolate milk out of my nipples. ... Sorry, I thought we’re saying things that are never gonna happen.

& Leonard: Hi, uh, um, I’m Leonard?
    Penny: Really? You don’t sound so sure.
    Leonard: No, I am he.

& Amy: Hi, Sheldon. Everything okay?
    Sheldon: No, it’s not... I’ve seen things... Lady things.
    Amy: Listen to me! That is not the way they usually look.
    Sheldon: Doesn’t matter. This is no way to make new humans. People coming out of people... It’s some kind of dirty magic show.

& Leonard: “Happy holidays from Texas...” Aw. And there’s pictures. Aah! Don’t open

them. Do not open them!
    Penny: Oh, come on. Childbirth is a natural, beautiful... Oh, it’s like someone sawed a cow in half!
    Raj: My father’s a gynecologist, I think I can handle it... And, now, I’m gay.

& Penny: So, what do you think?
    Sheldon: A tad asymmetrical, but nothing to be concerned about.

& Amy: Wait— did she die or did you kill her?
    Howard: Eh, tomato, tomahto. The important thing is she’s dead.

& Leonard: Hang on. Why would I be fat?
    Raj: You’d have no girlfriend to see you naked, you’d try to fill the void with food, and I’m an enabler who once deep-fried a pancake.

& Leonard: Look.
    Amy: I don’t understand.
    Leonard: He made you his screensaver.
    Amy: Oh. Wow. I had no idea. He is so into me!

& Amy: Wait, wait, where’d I go?
    Leonard: Oh, well, it’s you, Swamp Thing, Stephen Hawking, Spider-Man... but, look, you’re in the mix.
    Amy: I am in the mix. And I’m the hottest one.

& Sheldon: You okay?
    Amy: Just really glad you’re back.
    Sheldon: Me, too. I got a lot of TV to catch up on.

& Amy: Did you hold the baby?
    Sheldon: I did.
    Amy: And?.. How did it make you feel?
    Sheldon: Looking into the blank, innocent eyes of a creature that couldn’t begin to comprehend anything I was saying?.. Basically just another day at the office.

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