Springtime on a Stick

Two and a Half Men 8×8

& Jake: I thought you had a date tonight.
    Charlie: Not a date. A date experience.
    Megan: What’s the difference?
    Charlie: About $1500.

& Alan: I am sorry, but I cannot go along with you two gloomy Guses. I look at life and I see the cup as half full.
    Evelyn: But the cup belongs to your brother, and what it’s half full of is tears.
    Charlie: Good one, Mom.
    Evelyn: You’re no one to talk. He at least aspires to normalcy. Tries to have meaningful relationships with women. You go out with a girl and break up... before her hoo-ha can develop a five o’clock shadow.
    Alan: Well, in his defense, Mom, he’s usually paying by the hour.
    Evelyn: Very smart, Alan. Bite the syphilitic hand that feeds you.

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& Evelyn: It’s a woman problem.
    Charlie: Enough said!
    Evelyn: As you get older... certain parts of your body don’t lubricate properly.
    Charlie: Please, God, tell me you have to pick up some Visine.

& Charlie: Hey, is it me, or have Mom and Jill been gone for quite a while?
    Russell: Time is a very subjective thing, Charlie. Especially when you’re abusing powerful antipsychotics.

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