Don Jon

& Jon: Real pussy’s all good. But I’m sorry. It’s not as good as porn.

& Priest: Tell me your sins.
    Jon: Since last Sunday, I had sexual relations out of wedlock two times. I also watched pornographic videos and masturbated 17 times. For these and all the sins of my life, I am sorry.
    Priest: Ten Lord’s Prayers and ten Hail Marys.
    Jon: Thank you, Father.

& Priest: Through the ministry of the Church, may God give you pardon and peace, and I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
    Jon: Amen.

& Jon: Listen, you wanna know the truth?.. This is the truth. You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

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& Esther: If you have a girlfriend, why are you watching dirty movies?
    Jon: What?
    Esther: I’m just asking.
    Jon: You’re fucking weird, you know that?
    Esther: I don’t entirely disagree, but you’re the one who’s gonna pretend you’re texting while you watch people pretend they’re fucking on your phone!
    Jon: The shit I watch on here, they’re not pretending.
    Esther: Of course they are.

& Barbara: Jon, movies and porno are different! They give awards for movies!
    Jon: They give awards for porn too.

& Esther: Oh, God, you’re like a junkie. You can’t stop. How often do you watch it?
    Jon: What the fuck do you care?
    Esther: No, like every day?
    Jon: Every guy watches porn every day.
    Esther: All right. When was the last time you went a day without it?
    Jon: .... I don’t know.

& Jon: I like my porn, OK? I watch it every day. I always have. Maybe when I was a kid, like before I had a VCR in my room and I couldn’t, but even then I had Playboys, so...

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