& Alex: Hang on. Terminally... ill? So, they’re dying?
Jess: No, no, no, no, no, no. As in the other kind of terminally ill, where people live happily ever after. Twat.
& Rudy: Jesus Christ! Yeah! That... Decafecate!
Lucas: Er... that’s not a word.
Rudy: Fucking IS a word. “Decafecate” to evacuate one’s bowels after a triple espresso. I decafecated just this morning in Starbucks, all over.
& Alex: And the bitch has put a Gypsy curse on me. Makes me feel like I’m drowning. It’s fucking horrible.
Finn: So you’re compelled to help people?.. You couldn’t lend us 20 quid, could you, mate? You know, just... just help me out?
Alex: You little bastard.
Finn: Mm.
Abby: That’s really mean.
Finn: You call it mean. I... I call it karma.
& Rudy: Once. It’s happened once before. I was shagging a doctor. Well... well, by doctor, I mean the receptionist at the vet’s.
& Rudy: Fuck me. That’s what... that’s what it is. It’s because I love you.
Jess: You love me?
Rudy: Yeah. I love you like I loved Peter Rabbit. And that’s why my cock won’t frigging work. I have a really sarcastic penis.
Jess: Do you mean you have an ironic penis? Is that what you mean?
& Finn: This is where the magic happens... if your idea of magic is people getting dressed.
& Abby: Are you taking a shit?
Alex: No.
Abby: Are you having a wank?
Alex: .... No.
Abby: OK. So... I’ve been thinking...
Alex: You’re going to make me fuck your turtle, aren’t you? You... bitch!
Abby: I don’t want to take advantage of your situation...
Alex: You’re going to make me fuck your turtle!
Abby: Well, it’s the only way that we can be together as man and woman, rather than woman and turtle, which is... It’s just too weird.
Alex: .... If I fuck him to death, it isn’t on me.
& Abby: You? With him?
Jess: Er... no, don’t look at me like that, cos you’re in love with a turtle, so...
Abby: Fair point.
& Lucas: Er... someone told me there was a really nice view from the roof.
Abby: Hm. I wouldn’t say it’s nice. It’s just the same shit from a different angle, really.
& Alex: I’m not saying it’s fair. It’s shit, mate. But you’ve got to do the right thing,
or... I’m going to have to do the right thing.
Lucas: Yeah, and what’s that, then?
Alex: I’m going to have to wrestle you to the floor... pin you down... and fuck you up the arse until I take your power.
Lucas: Oh! I’m sorry, that’s meant... that’s meant to be the right thing to do?
Alex: Yeah, in a totally fucked-up way... I think it is.
& Alex: Sorry. I... I was a massive twat. But I have been the Good fucking Samaritan with bells on. Lesson learned.
& Jess: Rudy? Why are you wearing the sex bag?
Rudy: I’m fed up. I’ve renamed it the bag of eternal shame. And I will not take it off until the frigging end of time, or my cock gets hard, whatever happens first.
& Rudy 2: I have been look... I have been looking for you! You’re the final piece of the superhero jumper puzzle.
--
On the IMDb
Jess: No, no, no, no, no, no. As in the other kind of terminally ill, where people live happily ever after. Twat.
& Rudy: Jesus Christ! Yeah! That... Decafecate!
Lucas: Er... that’s not a word.
Rudy: Fucking IS a word. “Decafecate” to evacuate one’s bowels after a triple espresso. I decafecated just this morning in Starbucks, all over.
& Alex: And the bitch has put a Gypsy curse on me. Makes me feel like I’m drowning. It’s fucking horrible.
Finn: So you’re compelled to help people?.. You couldn’t lend us 20 quid, could you, mate? You know, just... just help me out?
Alex: You little bastard.
Finn: Mm.
Abby: That’s really mean.
Finn: You call it mean. I... I call it karma.
& Rudy: Once. It’s happened once before. I was shagging a doctor. Well... well, by doctor, I mean the receptionist at the vet’s.
& Rudy: Fuck me. That’s what... that’s what it is. It’s because I love you.
Jess: You love me?
Rudy: Yeah. I love you like I loved Peter Rabbit. And that’s why my cock won’t frigging work. I have a really sarcastic penis.
Jess: Do you mean you have an ironic penis? Is that what you mean?
& Finn: This is where the magic happens... if your idea of magic is people getting dressed.
& Abby: Are you taking a shit?
Alex: No.
Abby: Are you having a wank?
Alex: .... No.
Abby: OK. So... I’ve been thinking...
Alex: You’re going to make me fuck your turtle, aren’t you? You... bitch!
Abby: I don’t want to take advantage of your situation...
Alex: You’re going to make me fuck your turtle!
Abby: Well, it’s the only way that we can be together as man and woman, rather than woman and turtle, which is... It’s just too weird.
Alex: .... If I fuck him to death, it isn’t on me.
& Abby: You? With him?
Jess: Er... no, don’t look at me like that, cos you’re in love with a turtle, so...
Abby: Fair point.
& Lucas: Er... someone told me there was a really nice view from the roof.
Abby: Hm. I wouldn’t say it’s nice. It’s just the same shit from a different angle, really.
& Alex: I’m not saying it’s fair. It’s shit, mate. But you’ve got to do the right thing,
or... I’m going to have to do the right thing.
Lucas: Yeah, and what’s that, then?
Alex: I’m going to have to wrestle you to the floor... pin you down... and fuck you up the arse until I take your power.
Lucas: Oh! I’m sorry, that’s meant... that’s meant to be the right thing to do?
Alex: Yeah, in a totally fucked-up way... I think it is.
& Alex: Sorry. I... I was a massive twat. But I have been the Good fucking Samaritan with bells on. Lesson learned.
& Jess: Rudy? Why are you wearing the sex bag?
Rudy: I’m fed up. I’ve renamed it the bag of eternal shame. And I will not take it off until the frigging end of time, or my cock gets hard, whatever happens first.
& Rudy 2: I have been look... I have been looking for you! You’re the final piece of the superhero jumper puzzle.
--
On the IMDb
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