Hookers, Hookers, Hookers

Two and a Half Men 8×4

& Berta: Oh, damn.
    Alan: Hey, Berta. Bet you’re surprised to see me back.
    Berta: It’s my own fault. I let myself believe.

& Judith: What is he doing here?
    Alan: He wasn’t getting along with Lyndsey’s son.
    Judith: Maybe because Lyndsey’s son is a degenerate pothead.
    Alan: He’s not so bad. He’s just made some bad choices.
    Judith: So did his mom.
    Alan: Yeah, well, you made the same bad choice she did.

& Charlie: Hey, you know what I just realized? You three guys have all slept with each other.
    Alan: What?
    Herb: With all due respect, Charlie... I think I’d remember that.
    Charlie: No, no, no, think about it. They say that when you have sex with someone... you’re basically having sex with everyone they’ve ever had sex with.
    Herb: Oh. Then I guess you and I have done the dirty deed.

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& Charlie: Wait. So Herb has slept with Alan... and Alan has slept with Chris, which means that...
    Herb: I’ve slept with Lyndsey!

& Herb: That’s a classy guy... Using the toilet in a house with no plumbing. Where have you been going?
    Charlie: Refrigerator. I filled the vegetable crisper.
    Herb: See, that’s what I love about you, Charlie. You’re a maverick. I gotta start being more “maverickyky.”

& Alan: Maybe I am like Job... But I am not gonna lose my faith. ... Crap!

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On the IMDb