Two and a Half Men 3x18

The Spit-Covered Cobbler

& Charlie: Morning.
    Alan: Morning, Charlie!
    Charlie: Need any help?
    Alan: Do you know how to get a 1981 Plymouth Duster moving?
    Charlie: Yeah, yank out the eight-track and push it off a cliff.

& Charlie: Hey, you know, if you don’t hurry up, you’ll be late for school.
    Jake: I don’t mind.
    Charlie: Okay, well, that takes the pressure off.

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& Jake: Hey, how come my mom hates Kandi?
    Charlie: What gave you the idea that she hates her?
    Jake: ’Cause she says so... a lot.
    Charlie: All right. Why do you think?
    Jake: I don’t know. She’s pretty, she’s fun, and Dad seems real happy with her.
    Charlie: Well, little man, you just answered your own question.
    Jake: I did? What’d I say?

& Jake: ... I don’t understand.
    Charlie: Even though your mom doesn’t want your dad, she doesn’t want Kandi to eat him, either.
    Jake: Oh... You know, I like cobbler with ice cream.
    Charlie: Way to follow a train of thought.
    Jake: Thanks. Well, I guess we should go to school now, huh?
    Charlie: Couldn’t hurt.
    Jake: I’ll see if can find my books.
    Berta: Sweet kid.
    Charlie: Yeah.
    Berta: Shame he’ll never be anything more than a burden to society.

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On the Imdb.