The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer
Charlie: Leave him alone. With his grades, he might as well get used to pushing shopping carts around.
Alan: Are you saying my son’s going to end up working in a supermarket?
Charlie: No, I’m saying he’s probably going to end up homeless.
& Rose: I want you to talk to my boyfriend.
Charlie: Why would I want to talk to your boyfriend?
Rose: Because he’s smothering* me, and not in the good, „Can you move your thigh off my face” kind of way. I need my space, Charlie. I wake up in the morning and there he is staring at me. I have a bowl of soup, and there he is blowing on it for me. Even when we have sex, I can feel his eyes burning a hole in the back of my head.
Charlie: Oh, that’s going to keep me up at night.
& Charlie: What’s your point?
Alan: My point is it’s an honor just to be nominated.
Charlie: No, no, it’s an honor to win. Being nominated is just a soul-sucking waste of time.
& Charlie: It’s about who has the sexiest product. That’s why the awards always go to car and beer ads. Over-the-counter medications just aren’t hip enough.
Alan: That hardly seems fair.
Charlie: Tell me about it. Encourage people to get drunk and drive fast, great, here’s an award. Relieve the heartbreak or vaginal itching? They don’t even want to shake your hand.
& Archie Baldwin: You deserve it this year.
Charlie: Thanks.
Archie: I mean, how many times can they snub* you?
Charlie: I don’t really keep track.
Archie: Seven. Seven years in a row.
Charlie: If you say so.
Archie: Hey, stick around after the ceremony. If I win, I’ll let you hold my trophy. Not to mention the little statue they give me.
Jake: Isn’t the little statue the trophy?
Alan: Just eat your chicken!
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smothering — удушение
snub — унижать
+ quotes on the Imdb.
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