House M.D. 8x17

We Need the Eggs

& — You just won your girlfriend a Teddy bear.
    Henry: Cool. Hey, which one you think she’d like best?

& House: 35-year-old male cries blood, and he’s not vampire Bill. Go!

& Adams: Should we ask?..
    Chase: Nope!
    House: What, her? Yeah, my favorite companion is retiring from “companning.” So I’m interviewing replacements.

& Adams: How long are you gonna be using the office for sex games? Just so I can plan my day.
    House: Sex and work? I’m not a savage.

& House: I asked for a cappuccino.
    Butterscotch: That’s what this is.
    House: No, a cappuccino’s got a nice, stiff foam on it. This is wetter than... Oh... almost slipped there.

& House: Take a seat, Fawn. And tell me, what’s your favorite Woody Allen movie?
    Fawn: Annie Hall.
    Chase: You’re interviewing hookers but not gonna talk to them about sex?
    House: Sex is a given. They’re hookers.

& House: Call-girl... sorry, call-woman... needs a combination of skills that I find useful/entertaining for the remaining 57 minutes of the hour I paid for.

& Park: Have you ever paid for sex?
    Taub: Every guy who’s ever seen a Merchant Ivory movie has paid for sex. No. It just... seems too demeaning to women.
    Park: Given the things you’ve done to women, that seems arbitrary.

& Taub: Park has a boyfriend.
    Park: I’ll break your face.

& House: This is the talent portion of the interview.
    Adams: Okay. You like cards. But you can juggle. I fail to see how this would be of benefit to you.
    House: What if I’m busy?

---

& House: Well, thank you, ladies. I’ve seen a lot of very talented candidates. Got a tough decision the next few days. This is the part I hate.

& Dominika: What is “Fudgey Gonzalez”?
    House: Uh, imagine a “Vanilla Gonzalez,” but from the other side.

& Chase: Does the doll talk to you?
    Henry: I know she’s not a real person. In a lot of ways, she’s better than a person. I can tell her things, and she won’t argue with me or make fun of me. I come home every night, and I know she’ll be there waiting.
    Adams: So is your toaster.
    Henry: No one in the world has an emotional attachment to a toaster. But a lot of people are willing to spend $7,000 on women like Amy.

& Henry: Maybe the perfect woman’s out there somewhere, but it’s not worth going through what it would take to find her. Amy makes me happy.

& Chase: He didn’t have a thought disorder. And you don’t think it’s “disordered” to talk to...
    Adams: It’s not all that different from talking to your cat or a Teddy bear.
    House: You don’t have sex with your cat or Teddy bear. If you did, you’d probably talk to them more.

& House: Guy loves an imaginary being who’s never going to respond to him. He’s no crazier than millions of churchgoers.

& House: You do understand the irony here? Every person in this room has a sex doll. At least the patient has the stones to be honest about it.
Ooh, a metaphor! What you didn’t foresee is that is that I actually do have a sex doll.
    House: Your doll is your kids. Yours is your parents, yours is your charity. All excuses for not being in a relationship.
    Chase: He’s not wrong.
    House: And you...

& Wilson: You are a horrible person.
    House: All I need is to break up one marriage. You’ve broken up three of your own. You’re like the Stephen Hawking of killing relationships.

The Association’s — Never My Love

♪ You ask me if there’ll come a time ♪
♪ when I grow tired of you ♪
♪ never my love ♪
♪ never my love ♪

& Dominika: No man comes out. But old naked lady in 3-C is eating whole block of cheese.

& Henry: Molly... I’d like you to meet Amy.

& Adams: How about all five of us live together and the $7,000 sex doll? It’ll solve all our hang-ups.
    Taub: $7,000?
    House: Adams suggests that we all sleep together, and your issue is high prices?

& Taub: Why?
    House: Because I don’t know the answer.

& Wilson: Foosball?
    House: Can’t. Marriage to destroy.
    Wilson: Okay...
    House: “Okay” as in passive-aggressive reverse psychology? Or as in depressed resignation?
    Wilson: “Okay” as in I changed my mind.

& House: It’s not a marriage! It’s a felony.
    Emily: I’ve seen how she looks at you when you’re together. Trust me. She likes you... And I’ve seen how you look at her.

& Adams: Do you... want to get a drink?
    Chase: To annoy Park or to prove House wrong?

I Got You Babe

♪ they say we’re young and we don’t know ♪
♪ we won’t find out until we grow ♪
♪ well, I don’t know if all that’s true ♪
♪ ’cause you got me and baby I got you ♪
♪ babe ♪
♪ I got you babe ♪
♪ I got you babe ♪

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On the Imdb.