Wuthering Heist

Inside No. 9 6×1

Arlo: I got them things you wanted for the sandwiches. Do you mind if I make one now? I'm absolutely Hank Marvin.
Columbina: No! You can wait until the others get here. What did you buy?
Arlo: Pulled pork, pressed tongue, and a hot and spicy whip.
Columbina: That sounds disgusting!
Arlo: You said you wanted an S&M selection.
Columbina: I said an M&S select...! Never mind.

Columbina: So, if you haven't already guessed, it's a sort of cross between commedia dell'arte and a heist movie. I guess because they both use masks. Which is quite clever, in a way, but still sounds like something a drama teacher'd have a wank to. But, hey, it's series six, you've got to allow for a certain artistic exhaustion.

Columbina: Oh, God, here comes the subplot. Just stick with me on these bits and we'll get through them as quickly as possible.

Columbina: I guess we're just pretending that WhatsApps and emails dont' exist...

Pantalone: Columbina, stop Fleabaggin' and make me a cup of splosh!
Columbina: Yes, Master. Right away. And I wasn't Fleabagging, I was Miranda-ing.

Scaramouche: Allow me to introduce myself. I am El Capitan.
Hortensia: I'm sorry that you're ill but my name's not Capitan, it's Hortensia.
Scaramouche: Ah, yes. The Hor-tensia, daughter of my esteemed friend Señor Pantalone. But I'm sure you've heard of me by reputation. I am Scaramouche.
Arlo: Scaramouche? Will you do the... BLEEP What happened there?
Columbina: We couldn't afford the copyright.
Arlo: Oh. That's a shame.

Scaramouche: Un-a-til a-now I had been a-deaf to your beauty and blind to-a your voice, dumb to your scent and mute to-a your caress. I hope to wrong that a-right over the course of this segment.

Scaramouche: Ah, she is sick with love. Hortensia, Hortensia, don't a-leave me on the fence-ia! My feelings don't a-make sense-ia. I hope it's not dementia.

Pantalone: See? Piece of piss. Anything from the subplot?

Columbina: Are you ready for the twist? There's a good one...

Arlno: I need a sandwich first. I'm famished! Scaramouche, Scaramouche!
Mario: Will you do the...
Arlo: No!
Mario: What?
Arlo: We're not allowed.
Mario: Oh, sorry.

Pantalone: You're with me now.

Arlo: Well, fuck my old boots! I am going to be able to feed myself after all. Are you coming, Echo?
Echo: I thought you'd never ask!

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On the IMDb