Love Language

Resident Alien 1×5

Harry Vanderspeigle: Humans have a strange practice they call "the art of bullshitting," and that little bastard Max is Michelangelo.

Mayor Ben Hawthorne: Well, so, funny story about Max. Um...
Kate Hawthorne: He was in the closet.

Harry Vanderspeigle: There's a motel at Exit 42.
Isabelle: And there's an asshole in the living room.

Isabelle: Since when have you have a job in Patience?
Harry Vanderspeigle: The town doctor was murdered. Now I am the town doctor because I am alive.

D'Arcy Bloom: We can be friends, I just... it's just... You're just not my type.
Harry Vanderspeigle: So your type is not the smartest and the best person in the world.
D'Arcy Bloom: See, there it is. Uh... I think it's just your ego. It's... I don't even know how to describe it.
Harry Vanderspeigle: So you're not very smart?

Harry Vanderspeigle: Oh, no. Human men must not say mean things to women. If I don't apologize, she'll know I'm an alien.

Harry Vanderspeigle: That was mean. I should not have said that.
D'Arcy Bloom: Yeah.
Harry Vanderspeigle: I am a man, a human man, and you are smart... relative to... our species.

Abigail Hodges: So sad to find out he committed suicide.
Harry Vanderspeigle: Because if he was murdered, it would not be so sad?
Abigail Hodges: Well, if he committed suicide, his insurance claim would be null and void. So I'm counting on you, Doctor, to do the right thing.

Max Hawthorne: Your act doesn't fool me, alien!...
Harry Vanderspeigle: I'm feeling attacked. I am snowflaking.

Asta Twelvetrees: Trying to make me feel better after tearing the heart out of a 16-year-old girl?
Harry Vanderspeigle: You didn't tear her heart out. You just lied to her and pretended to be her friend.
Asta Twelvetrees: You want to talk about lying? What kind of person lies about their wife being dead?
Harry Vanderspeigle: Humans lie. It's what they do.
Asta Twelvetrees: Why?
Harry Vanderspeigle: Maybe they don't want people to know who they really are...

Jimmy: You're her bodyguard now?
Harry Vanderspeigle: I prefer "ninja."
Asta Twelvetrees: Harry. You don't have to do this. Just ignore him.
Harry Vanderspeigle: You shouldn't ignore ninjas.
Asta Twelvetrees: Just don't pay any attention to him. He's reading books about monks and ninjas.

D'Arcy Bloom: Shit. That was a waste of deodorant.

Sahar: Any questions, Max?
Max Hawthorne: Yeah. Why can I see you?
Harry Vanderspeigle: Are you familiar with multi-dimensional space travel?
Max Hawthorne: Very.
Harry Vanderspeigle: Some humans are genetically more tuned to the frequencies of other dimensions, so they can see beyond my molecular reconstruction.
Sahar: Like that was blue and black but some people saw it as white and gold?
Harry Vanderspeigle: It wasn't white and gold?
Sahar: No!
Harry Vanderspeigle: Whoa.
Max Hawthorne: Wow.

Harry Vanderspeigle: I have a question. Why do humans fold pizza when they eat it?
Max Hawthorne: Basic engineering. It's too floppy when it's flat.
Harry Vanderspeigle: Ah.
Sahar: What are the Nazca lines?
Harry Vanderspeigle: Ancient alien graffiti.
Max Hawthorne: Do aliens poop?
Harry Vanderspeigle: Everybody poops.
Sahar: Just like the book. I knew it.

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