The One with Joey's Bag

Friends 5×13

Chandler: Aah! Aah! Aah.
Monica: It's so good, isn't it?
Chandler: I don't know what I did to deserve it.
Monica: Say goodbye to sore muscles!
Chandler: Goodbye, muscles!

Chandler: For the first time, I'm in a real relationship. I won't screw that up by telling the truth.

Joey: Hey, Pheebs. How's it going?
Phoebe: Um, only okay. Because I just got back from the hospital.
Monica: Are you all right?
Phoebe: I'm fine. But, uh, my grandma sort of died.
Joey: Pheebs, sorry.
Phoebe: It's okay. She had a really incredible life. It's not like I won't see her again. She'll visit.
Chandler: Maybe she's with us right now...
Phoebe: Right. She's on a new spiritual plane and she'll come to the coffeehouse...
Rachel: I just saw two people having sex in a car right outside!

Rachel: Trust me, all the men are carrying them in the spring catalog. See, look. Men carrying the bag. See, look. Women carrying the bag.
Joey: But it is odd how a woman's purse looks so good on me, a man.
Rachel: Exactly. Unisex!
Joey: Maybe you need sex. I had sex a couple days ago.
Rachel: No, Joey. U-N-I sex.
Joey: I ain't going to say no to that!

Phoebe: As a masseuse and a human... I'm begging you, never do that to anyone.

Chandler: You don't have to be best at everything.
Monica: Oh, my God! You don't know me at all!
Chandler: Okay... You give the worst massages in the world.
Monica: I'm crying here!
Chandler: Look, hear me out. You give the best bad massages. If anybody was looking for the best bad massage... and they thought, "Who's the best?" They'd have to go to you.
Monica: Huh. So you're saying that if there was an award... for the best bad massage... Who would get that?
Chandler: It would be you! You, Monica! And you'd get all the votes.
Monica: So they could call the award, "The Monica"?
Chandler: Absolutely.
Monica: Okay... I suck!

—
+ Quotes on the IMDb