The One with All the Resolutions

Friends 5×11

Ross: You know what? I'm gonna be happy this year. I'm gonna make myself happy.
Chandler: Do you want us to leave the room or?

Ross: Every day, I am going to do one thing I have never done before. That, my friends, is my New Year's resolution.
Phoebe: Ooh. That's a good one. Mine is to pilot a commercial jet.
Chandler: That's a good one too. Now you only have to find a planeload of people... whose resolution is to plummet to their deaths.
Phoebe: Maybe your resolution should be not to make fun of your friends. Especially the ones who may soon be flying you to Europe for free... on their own plane.
Rachel: She has a better chance of sprouting wings and flying up your nose... than you do of not making fun of us.

Joey: All right, my New Year's resolution is to learn how to play guitar.
Phoebe: Really? How come?
Joey: Ah. You know those special skills I have listed on my résumé? I would love it if one of those was true.
Phoebe: Do you want me to teach you? I'm a great teacher.
Joey: Really? Who have you taught?
Phoebe: Well, I taught me and I loved me.

Joey: All right, Pheebs, I am ready for my first lesson.
Phoebe: Okay. Oh, no, no, you don't touch the guitar! No, no. First you learn here, then you learn here.

Phoebe: Okay. Lesson One: Chords. Now, um, I don't know the actual names of the chords, um... But I made up names for the way my hand looks while I'm doing them. So then, this is "Bear Claw." Okay, "Turkey Leg"... and "Old Lady."

Phoebe: Do you want to learn to play guitar?
Joey: Yes.
Phoebe: Then don't touch one!

Ross: That was just the pants and the couch.

Phoebe: Ooh. You nailed the Old Lady. Oh!

Rachel: Hey, uh, Joey, remember that big thing I was going to tell you about? I'm not gonna tell you. But if you found out on your own... that would be okay, and then we could talk about it, right?
Joey: Well, then it wouldn't be a secret. So, yeah, that would be okay. Yeah, yeah.

Joey: Do you know something?
Rachel: Do you know something?
Joey: I might know something.
Rachel: I might too something too.
Joey: What's the thing you know?
Rachel: You tell me what you know.
Joey: I can't tell you.
Rachel: Then I can't.
Joey: Okay, fine. You don't know.
Rachel: How about I go there and walk into Chandler's bedroom and see the thing... that I think I know is actually the thing I think I know.
Joey: You know!
Rachel: And you know!
Joey: Yeah, I know.

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