Overture

Preacher 4×9

Cassidy: Do you think we should tell him?... No. Okay. He'll understand. After everything he's been through, you know? Mum's the word— Here he is. Captain Morgan.
Tulip: Okay, so, we slept together! Not his fault, not mine. You were gone, so we can't feel bad about it. So you can lose your shit if you want and Word us into toads. But just do it now and get it over with.
Jesse: ... Thanks for telling me.

Jesse: Anything else?
Cassidy: Well... we're gonna go and get Humperdoo, destroy the Grail, and maybe save the world from a fiery apocalypse.

Cassidy: So, we good?
Jesse: One good thing about going to Hell and back, Cass... You get perspective.

Herr Starr: For those of you watching at home, here's how it goes. First: a few opening acts... singers, jugglers, ethnic musicians, a female comedian, and then, when the clock hits zero... the Messiah will dance!

Herr Starr: Clamor, chaos, fire from above, et cetera and et cetera. The righteous will be spared, of course. But the sinners... That's right, the sinners... The feminists... degenerates... and desperados! Today's the day they! Get! Theirs!

God: I see everything. Understand? I know everything. But Abel. He just wouldn't believe me, poor schmuck. He'd keep saying to me, "No, no, Cain's not just my big brother, he's my best friend." Are you kidding me?!

Tulip: I read the letter, you know?
Jesse: And?
Tulip: What's "perpetuity" mean?
Jesse: It means forever.
Tulip: Hm. Well, I knew that. I was just checking if you knew.

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God: Picture a mountain. A mile wide and soaring high, made entirely of pure flaked Peruvian heroin. Picture the girl. Tulip. All to yourself. Picture Ireland. Ah, that's right. Your deepest desires...

Herr Starr: You're a handsome woman. And I am a very handsome man...

Cassidy: You're just mental. You make dogs die when they eat chocolate. You know, Don Jr.? Testicles? That's terrible design.

Cassidy: Honestly, I-I-I had hoped that the secret to the universe was something a bit more complex than just "God's a frizzy-haired, homicidal lunatic."

Cassidy: Well, they've done good stuff, too. Alright?
God: Yeah, like what?
Cassidy: Like... Italian food's good, isn't it? Uh, Paul Newman. Season Two of "The Love Boat." Brilliant.

Herr Starr: You're confused. The old plan was for total annihilation, the new plan is limited.
Lara Featherstone: Limited, sir?
Herr Starr: Yes. A few bombs here and there to take out the Danes, the teacher unions, the hippies... New plans were drawn up.

Lara Featherstone: But, sir, what's the point of limiting an apocalypse?
Herr Starr: The point is to kill and not get killed. Obviously.
Lara Featherstone: But I thought that was the plan. To die and ascend gloriously into Heaven.
Herr Starr: Please, you're starting to sound like one of those religious kooks.

Lara Featherstone: Herr Starr. I have to know. Wh-Why join The Grail in the first place? What... What was all this for?
Herr Starr: Violence... power... dirty sex. Why else?

Jesus: So embarrassing.
Hitler: Ach. Do you think I was "embarrassed" after Stalingrad? Nein, I just kept going, never quit.

Tulip: Hold on. No, hold on. Just sit here and not hit you for one minute? Hmm. What's the catch?

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