Chillaxing

The Good Place 4×3

Chapter 42

Eleanor: If there's anyone that can turn that ash-hole into a good person, it's Chidi.

Eleanor: My man used to collect action figures of famous philosophers. Oh, Eleanor, look, it's a near-mint Arthur Schopenhauer with a working quill!... What a dork. I love him so much...

Eleanor: What the fork?

Eleanor: Well, just for argument's sake, what would Kant say about your duty to help your fellow human beings?
Chidi: Well, honestly, when the weather is this perfect, I think that Kant would say, "Who's up for some Frisbee golf?"

Michael: Never seen Chidi like that. He was... chillaxing, which is a word I just invented, combing Chidi and relaxing.
Eleanor: Yeah, I guess once you have the burden of saving humanity removed from your brain, life is dandy.

Eleanor: You want to make a pearl, you gotta get some sand in your clam.
Michael: Oyster.

Eleanor: I've got this. I have a ton of experience making ex-boyfriends' lives miserable. First up, we fill his acoustic guitar with wet cat food... Judge me all you want. I get results.

Janet: I researched how humans cope with relationships ending, and number eight on the list was doing something dumb with your hair. Number 42 was watch "Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again," so I did that, too. It was okay. It's just a lot of the same songs as the first one.

Tahani: First, we open his pores, and then we open his heart.
Janet: We exfoliate the dead skin cells of envy, and we detoxify his soul.
Tahani: Spa day!
Janet: Spa day!

John: So Natalie Portman does all of Scarlett Johansson's stunts? Why?
Tahani: For the power. Just to say she can.

Tahani: There was this sort of inner treatment that was all the rage on Earth, the study of ethics. Think of it as a colonic, but for your soul!

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Jason: ...maybe we should ease off. He's pretty stressed already.
Eleanor: Please. He's not even dry-heaving yet. How many Tums did he take today?
Jason: Like 20.
Eleanor: Pfft, that's nothing. We don't stop until it's a whole bottle. Because the more miserable he is, the more he's going to teach you, and then everyone, and then he'll save humanity! He's like Superman with nervous diarrhea.

Chidi: No monk's truest desire is a motorcycle with Pam Anderson's face painted on it.
Jason: Oh, it wasn't her face...
Michael: A sexually explicit motorcycle? Whose rock was that?

Chidi: Yeah. No. I'm used to moral dilemmas. I like moral dilemmas. They're my jam, but this just feels like I'm... Like I'm being punished somehow. And, obviously, I know that's silly. This is the Good Place. You two would never do anything to hurt anyone, but I am seriously worried that I did something wrong, and this is the universe getting back at me— Oh, no. What's happening now? Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. No, I made God cry? Oh, stomach ache. Welcome back, old friend.

Chidi: Instead of just trying to not get caught, we're going to study ethics. I'm going to help you become a good person.
Jason: Oh, dope. I always want to get better. That's why I spent so much of my time at the free clinic.
Chidi: Hang on. Just editing my syllabus in my head based on that comment...
Jason: This is gonna be awesome. You rule. You're like the Pam Anderson boob motorcycle of people.
Chidi: Thank you. That's an amazing compliment.

Michael: I still don't have a grip on the human emotional spectrum. You guys are often happy when you should be sad and angry when you should be happy, and texting when you should be driving, which is not an emotion, I know, but it's insane...

Michael: The point is, in this case, even if it's not rational, you're allowed to feel a little angry. Let yourself off the hook. Process it and work your way through it, and then get your shirt together. Because we have a lot of work to do.

Tahani: Philosophy may not be his way forward. Genuine human connection shall be his course of study. And first up on the syllabus, he and I will be unironically watching the Britney Spears movie "Crossroads" together... And you'll have to trust me, this is a huge step in the right direction.

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