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Mr. Robot 4×2

Mr. Price: With the right players in place, running the world turned out to be surprisingly easy. I have to say, business was booming.

Mr. Price: Industrial espionage was yesterday's work. What better way to gain leverage on everyone than if everyone was connected?

Mr. Price: The United States was a test case. Americans seemed the most ready to give their lives over to a box. Without hesitation everyone jumped online. 'Welcome. You've got mail.' Offered everything they had. Bank accounts, electric bills, medical records, DNA data, baby pictures. We staged the biggest coup in human civilization and the whole world volunteered to take part. Opted in, checked the box, and clicked, "I agree."

Elliot: And if it's your life you're worried about... Doing nothing, not fighting back... You may as well be dead.
Mr. Price: I became a dead man walking... The minute I agreed to work with Whiterose... Just like you.

---

Nurse: You two must feel so blessed to have had her in your life...
Darlene: Yeah, we feel totally blessed.
Elliot: What are we supposed to do?
Nurse: Um, well, when my dad died, I turned towards the Lord—
Elliot: I mean with the boxes.

Mr. Robot: There's the cost of living and the cost of dying. Seems you're paying the price whether you're coming or going... And then there's the real price. Not cash or Ecoin. The emotional toll.

Mr. Price: You're a little unbalanced... The tree.

Mr. Robot: Look at me! I am telling you the truth. I am not the one Darlene talked to.
Elliot: If it wasn't you, and it wasn't me... Who was it?

Elliot's Mother: They're not ready yet. We need to wait.
Young Elliot: For what?
Elliot's Mother: For him.
Young Elliot: You mean Mr. Robot?
Elliot's Mother: No.
Young Elliot: Elliot?
Elliot's Mother: No. The other one.

--
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An Entrepreneurialist and a Swat on the Bottom

Young Sheldon 3×3

Sheldon: Fun fact: Did you know that the ancient incas stored bureaucratic records on knotted strings called "quipu"?... Q-U-I-P-U. Quipu.

Sheldon: Thursday's perfect for you.
Meemaw: You don't know that.
Sheldon: Yes, I do. Mondays you have bowling, Tuesday's water aerobics, Wednesday, salsa dancing, Fridays, you bring me here. Your Thursday was wide open, but not anymore.

Sheldon: Well, we're just sitting here, and we have to talk about something.
Meemaw: Can you just let this one go?
Sheldon: I think we both know the answer to that question.

Meemaw: There are certain grown-up dynamics taking place here that you, you might not be aware of.
Sheldon: Well, I like quantum-chromodynamics and thermodynamics; perhaps I'll like grown-up dynamics. Tell me.

Sheldon: ... But that's illogical. He knows you're in a relationship with Dr. Sturgis.
Meemaw: And now we're back to it's complicated, so drop it.
Sheldon: I'll try, but dropping things is not where I shine.

Veronica: Careful. When my sister sold stuff at school, she ended up in juvie.
Georgie: Nothing like that. Just candy.
Veronica: Very entrepreneurial. I'm impressed. Impressed... impressed... impressed.....
Georgie: What can I say? I'm entrepreneurialistic.

Meemaw: Stop. Come inside.
Sheldon: Why?
Meemaw: 'Cause there's kids in this neighborhood who don't need to hear the language I'm about to use.

Meemaw: Really? You're gonna believe some guy you barely know over your own grandmother?!!
Sheldon: Well, one of them said I'm really smart, and one of them's yelling at me right now.

Sheldon: You are incredibly selfish.
Meemaw: Excuse me?
Sheldon: You just care about what you want. You don't care about what I want. You're selfish..... How come your eyes stopped blinking? ... Mom! Meemaw swatted me on the bottom!

---

Susan: So what are you looking for? A necklace, ankle bracelet, uh, earrings?
Georgie: Hmm... tough to choose between her neck, ankles and ears. They're all smokin' hot.

Veronica: You're not gonna impress me by throwing money around.
Georgie: You sure? In "Material Girl," Madonna loves it.

Sheldon: I love drawing up contracts. But I don't love drawing. Interesting...

Sheldon: Anyway, even though I'm clearly her favorite grandchild, she swatted my bottom. It didn't hurt that much physically, but emotionally, it stung like the dickens.

Bus Lady: Aren't you a little young to be traveling alone?
Sheldon: Yes, but I'm quite a capable traveler. I've memorized the entire bus schedule for the state of Texas. Ask me anything.
Bus Lady: No, thanks.
Sheldon: Okay, but if at any point you'd like to know what time the bus from Waco arrives in Houston, ask away... 4:15, except on Fridays when they make a local stop in Huntsville.
Bus Lady: No wonder this seat was empty.

Georgie: You can eat it or wear it, it's up to you.

Sheldon: Before I tell you the story, how much do you know about the mathematics of robotic communication?.. That's okay. I'll put it into terms a bus lady can understand. There's a wide range of protocols used for inter-robotic...

Missy: Does he really think these facts are fun?

Bus Lady: ... The only selfish person in that story is you.
Sheldon: There's a Star Trek episode called "The Devil in the Dark" where the miners thought the Horta was the monster, but actually the miners were the monsters because they were killing its eggs. Are you saying it's like that?
Bus Lady: Sure.

Sheldon: Fun fact, this was one of seven times I was brought home by law enforcement... once, on the back of a horse.

--
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Стивен Кинг — Чужак

<< Пост сдал (Трилогия о Билле Ходжесе — 3)

  “Машина была неприметной, без всяких опознавательных знаков: обыкновенный американский седан, не старый и не новый, – но его принадлежность сразу же выдавали покрышки с черными боковинами и люди в салоне. ...

&  Да, тут любой бы взбесился... но гнев плуга не тянет, как говаривал дедушка Ральфа.

&  Терри посмотрел на него, как умеют смотреть только школьные учителя: Мы оба знаем, что ты дебил, но я не скажу этого вслух, чтобы не смущать тебя перед одноклассниками.

&  – Я не собираюсь никуда бежать. Как там сказал кто-то из генералов на Гражданской войне? «Я буду сражаться и держать рубеж, даже если придется потратить на это все лето».

&  – Я не верю в сверхъестественное. Ни в привидений, ни в ангелов, ни в божественную природу Иисуса Христа. Я хожу в церковь, но лишь потому, что там спокойно и иногда получается добиться внутренней тишины и прислушаться к себе. И еще потому, что так принято. Я всегда думал, что ты сама ходишь в церковь по тем же причинам...
     – Мне бы хотелось верить в Бога, потому что очень не хочется верить в то, что после смерти уже ничего не будет. Хотя это логично: раз мы приходим изнебытия, то в небытие и уйдем. Но я верю в звездное небо над головой и в бесконечность Вселенной. В великое Там Наверху. Я верю, что в каждой горстке песка здесь, внизу, заключены бессчетные миры, потому что бесконечность работает в обе стороны. Я верю, что за каждой мыслью в моей голове, стоит еще дюжина мыслей, о которых я даже не подозреваю. Я верю в свое сознание и подсознание, хотя даже не знаю, что это такое. И я верю Артуру Конан Дойлу, который придумал Шерлока Холмса и вложил в его уста такие слова: «Если отбросить все невозможное, то, что останется, и есть истина, какой бы невероятной она ни казалась».
     – Это не тот Конан Дойл, который верил в фей?

Середина >>

El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie (2019)

Mike: Only you can decide what's best for you, Jesse. Not him, not me.

Mike: Alaska.
Jesse: Yeah?
Mike: Yeah, if I were your age, starting fresh, Alaska. It's the last frontier. Up there, you could be anything you want.
Jesse: Alaska...

Jesse: Start over. Start fresh.
Mike: One could.
Jesse: Put things right...
Mike: No. Sorry, kid, that's the one thing you can never do.

Badger: Jesse, did they really...
Jesse: What?
Badger: Did they really keep you in a cage?

Joe:- Look, Johnny Law is on his way, as in here, as in now. So farewell, goodbye, regrets, etcetera etcetera.

Jesse: Yo, Skinny. Why you doing all this?
Skinny: Dude... you're my hero and shit.

Todd: What kind of pizza do you like, Jesse? Jesse, what kind of pizza?
Jesse: ..... Pepperoni.
Todd: Pepperoni. Sure. Classic. I like that too.

Todd: Look at that view. Should be a heck of a sunset... You know what Uncle Jack says, "Life is what you make it."

---

Jesse: I'm no cop killer. You be cool... and I will be cool. Understand?

Jesse: Come on, man, you know why I'm here.
Ed: I can't say I do, no.
Jesse: Yeah, you do. You're the guy. Yeah, you do. You're the guy. Look, I am 96 percent sure that you are the guy, so why don't you just, like, admit it?

Ed: If you believe that you can pull on people's heartstrings, you should take your chances with the police.

Ed: From where I sit, you made your own luck. As did your former partner. As did your lawyer.

Neil: What do you say... your .22... against my .45? Winner takes all.
Jesse: Like the Wild West?
Neil: Yeah. Like the Wild West...

Walt: Wow. It's like I'm here with Sinatra.
Jesse: I know, right?
Walt: Certainly went big with the pineapple.
Jesse: Only an asshole doesn't like pineapple. Guessing you don't?
Walt: I can take it or leave it.
Jesse: Pineapple's good for you. It's got bromide.
Walt: Bromelain. But, close... Actually, it's not close at all.

Walt: You're really lucky, you know that? You didn't have to wait your whole life to do something special.

Ed: Not many of us get a chance to start fresh. Good luck, Mr. Driscoll.

Jesse: I was thinking about that thing you said about the universe. Going where the universe takes you? Right on. I think it's a cool philosophy.
Jane: I was being metaphorical. It's a terrible philosophy. I've gone where the universe takes me my whole life. It's better to make those decisions for yourself.

--
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The Egg Is Pipping

Atypical 2×5

Sam: One of the first rules of nature is like finds like. You would never see an emperor penguin and a south polar skua hang out together. Sure, they're both birds... but a penguin lays an egg and tries to protect it, while the sneaky skua just wants to make it his dinner.

Sam: Polar animals know that if they want to survive, they need creatures like them. But if I woke up one day, and I was a skua, I'd probably fly headfirst into an iceberg.
Ms. Whitaker: Sam, I'll confess, I got a little lost there, myself. How does that relate to today's topic, "resources"?
Sam: Even if you find a group of like-minded penguins, it doesn't guarantee survival. You still need resources like fish, or krill, or a nice mating rock.
Ms. Whitaker: Oh, well, that actually does relate.

Doug: Want me to come with you?
Sam: No. It's quiet in here and it doesn't smell like anything so I should be fine.

Sam: Don't you just love pie charts? This one shows you the smartest way to spend your money. There's a wedge carved out for food, rent, utilities, entertainment... even 10% for charity.
Zahid: Propaganda.

---

Zahid: You got me a lollipop, so I'm trying to be nice, but, dude, I can't believe you were dumb enough to entrust your hard-earned cabbage to a corrupt government-backed bank. FDIC? More like, "FDI-see you later, money."
Sam: It didn't seem corrupt. They have panda checks.
Zahid: Look, I know what goes on in those places. I've seen Mary Poppins. You got to get your green off the grid and invest in cryptocurrency, ASAP.
Sam: I didn't see that mentioned in the packet.
Zahid: Of course you didn't. When the great financial collapse comes, cryptocurrency will rule the world.

Megan: Just remember... you're not going to be this angry forever. And she's always going to be Sam and Casey's mom.

Sam: It's a rough world out there. Even if a penguin egg survives the south polar skuas... and the leopard seals... and the sea lions, and the killer whales... it still only has a small chance of making it through its first year alive. Three out of four don't make it. Three out of four! Can you imagine what it would be like if they didn't have their group to protect them? I don't want to think about it.

Sam: What a great day. I mean, except for when I lost $700... Best day!

--
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We Are the End of the World

The Walking Dead 10×2

Lydia: Mama, there's a man.

Alpha: Go on and try to kill us. But know two things... One, I do not die easily, and, two, you must also kill my daughter because I will not leave this Earth without her.

Lydia: Is he a monster?
Alpha: We're all monsters now.

Alpha: The dead don't have names. And we shouldn't, either. Without names or a past, those of us strong enough to still be alive out here can know each other on a primal level.

Alpha: They fear nothing. They want only to feed. They are free.

Beta: I like it... the sound of the dead. It's the only song I never want to end.

Alpha: I like killing with you.

Alpha: Well done, Big Man.
Beta: "Big Man"?
Alpha: Okay. "Mr. B."
Beta: I thought we didn't have names.
Alpha: It's not a name. It's a letter.
Beta: So, if I'm "B," what does that make you?
Alpha: "A."

---

Alpha: It's not just about moving with them. You got to become them, feel what they feel.
Beta: And what do they feel?
Alpha: Nothing.

Alpha: There are only two kinds of people left in this world... the ones brave enough to walk with the dead and everybody else.

Alpha: As the lion who smothers her wailing cub, we're strongest when we kill our own blood. It is the purest, most honest way to bring order to chaos.

Alpha: For your bravery and sacrifice and for putting the needs of the pack above your own, I anoint you Gamma.

Alpha: Come on. Walk with me in the darkness. Walk with me, and you will never be alone again. My "B."
Beta: I am the end of the world. I am the end of the world. I am the end of the world.
Alpha: We are the end of the world.

— We walk in darkness. We are free. We bathe in blood. We are free. We love nothing. We are free. We fear nothing. We are free. We need no words. We are free. We embrace all death. We are free. This is the end of the world. Now is the end of the world. We are the end of the world.

--
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Chillaxing

The Good Place 4×3

Chapter 42

Eleanor: If there's anyone that can turn that ash-hole into a good person, it's Chidi.

Eleanor: My man used to collect action figures of famous philosophers. Oh, Eleanor, look, it's a near-mint Arthur Schopenhauer with a working quill!... What a dork. I love him so much...

Eleanor: What the fork?

Eleanor: Well, just for argument's sake, what would Kant say about your duty to help your fellow human beings?
Chidi: Well, honestly, when the weather is this perfect, I think that Kant would say, "Who's up for some Frisbee golf?"

Michael: Never seen Chidi like that. He was... chillaxing, which is a word I just invented, combing Chidi and relaxing.
Eleanor: Yeah, I guess once you have the burden of saving humanity removed from your brain, life is dandy.

Eleanor: You want to make a pearl, you gotta get some sand in your clam.
Michael: Oyster.

Eleanor: I've got this. I have a ton of experience making ex-boyfriends' lives miserable. First up, we fill his acoustic guitar with wet cat food... Judge me all you want. I get results.

Janet: I researched how humans cope with relationships ending, and number eight on the list was doing something dumb with your hair. Number 42 was watch "Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again," so I did that, too. It was okay. It's just a lot of the same songs as the first one.

Tahani: First, we open his pores, and then we open his heart.
Janet: We exfoliate the dead skin cells of envy, and we detoxify his soul.
Tahani: Spa day!
Janet: Spa day!

John: So Natalie Portman does all of Scarlett Johansson's stunts? Why?
Tahani: For the power. Just to say she can.

Tahani: There was this sort of inner treatment that was all the rage on Earth, the study of ethics. Think of it as a colonic, but for your soul!

---

Jason: ...maybe we should ease off. He's pretty stressed already.
Eleanor: Please. He's not even dry-heaving yet. How many Tums did he take today?
Jason: Like 20.
Eleanor: Pfft, that's nothing. We don't stop until it's a whole bottle. Because the more miserable he is, the more he's going to teach you, and then everyone, and then he'll save humanity! He's like Superman with nervous diarrhea.

Chidi: No monk's truest desire is a motorcycle with Pam Anderson's face painted on it.
Jason: Oh, it wasn't her face...
Michael: A sexually explicit motorcycle? Whose rock was that?

Chidi: Yeah. No. I'm used to moral dilemmas. I like moral dilemmas. They're my jam, but this just feels like I'm... Like I'm being punished somehow. And, obviously, I know that's silly. This is the Good Place. You two would never do anything to hurt anyone, but I am seriously worried that I did something wrong, and this is the universe getting back at me— Oh, no. What's happening now? Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. No, I made God cry? Oh, stomach ache. Welcome back, old friend.

Chidi: Instead of just trying to not get caught, we're going to study ethics. I'm going to help you become a good person.
Jason: Oh, dope. I always want to get better. That's why I spent so much of my time at the free clinic.
Chidi: Hang on. Just editing my syllabus in my head based on that comment...
Jason: This is gonna be awesome. You rule. You're like the Pam Anderson boob motorcycle of people.
Chidi: Thank you. That's an amazing compliment.

Michael: I still don't have a grip on the human emotional spectrum. You guys are often happy when you should be sad and angry when you should be happy, and texting when you should be driving, which is not an emotion, I know, but it's insane...

Michael: The point is, in this case, even if it's not rational, you're allowed to feel a little angry. Let yourself off the hook. Process it and work your way through it, and then get your shirt together. Because we have a lot of work to do.

Tahani: Philosophy may not be his way forward. Genuine human connection shall be his course of study. And first up on the syllabus, he and I will be unironically watching the Britney Spears movie "Crossroads" together... And you'll have to trust me, this is a huge step in the right direction.

--
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Killers Anonymous (2019)

The Man: I can't ask you any more questions tonight, Jade. Not just because the clock is ticking, but I hate being in the field and I hate asking questions, 'cause it means I don't have the answers, and when I don't have the answers, it usually means I'm gonna be away from the comfort of my armchair even longer. So with all due respect, and I appreciate you being a lady, does that just about summarize every fucking thing that happened?
Jade: Uh... It's the really short version, but yeah.

Krystal: It is not just a job. It is an art.

Joanna: Welcome to KA. My name is Jo. We're all here because we're not all there. KA is an education without a graduation. It's a place of listening and respect. We all have another fumble in us... but we don't know if we have another recovery.

Ben: Hi, everyone. My name is Ben. And it has been 284 days since my last kill.

Leandro: When you love what you do, you never work a day in your life. I worked every fucking day...

Leandro: I was good at it. I did what I had to do. I just didn't know I'd have to do so much. The job's killing. I'm not under any illusion about that. But what I didn't know until Ming... it's not about killing them. It's about how many times we have to kill ourselves to do it. Or how many times it takes what's best about you and fucking rips it out. And the worst part is, it never really dies. I wish it would. Would make it so much easier. But it just sits there, the best part of you, sick and hurting. And every time you think it's gone... every time you think you can't die inside anymore, you fucking do. And then it feels like the first time all over again.

The Man: You know, I had exactly the same thing with my wife. Really, you've gotta trust me. I've been there. As I pointed that gun at my wife's face, I said, "Any last words, Heather?" And three hours later, I shot her.

--
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Σ nostradamvs: «Очень плохое кино. Олдмен там что, под дулом автомата снимался? ....»

Great Balls of Fire

Mr. Mercedes 3x5

John Rothstein: I'm dead. But clearly, not gone.

John Rothstein: That's your fear, isn't it? Once you're dead, gone, gone, gone, gone. But the fear that's under that one... let's call it, uh, totem pole fear... is that you were never there in the first place. You got no legacy. You think finding my killer is gonna give you one? Well, let me tell you something, bud. Legacy is shit. And shit don't mean shit.

Antonio Montez: I'm just saying that if we're gonna solve this, we're gonna have to do it right here, on Earth.

Anita Bellamy: A writer is more of a secretary than God, so Rothstein didn't do anything to Jimmy Gold. What Rothstein saw and allowed Jimmy to show us is that most of us just become everyman. Ordinary, we just... morph into the guy next door.
Young Morris: No!
Anita Bellamy: Yeah, honey. Jimmy Gold evolved into bland nothingness—

Bill Hodges: You okay?
Holly Gibney: Fine.
Bill Hodges: You seem a bit fidgety.
Holly Gibney: I'm fine. I'm a fidgety person. ... I'm allowed to be a fidgety person.

---

Peter Saubers: Jimmy's still a rebel in the end.
Ida Silver: Why? Because he throws an ashtray through a TV screen?
Peter Saubers: That's a symbol... The CBS logo is an eye, and Jimmy's act is a ritual blinding of his inner eye, the one that sees the truth.

Roland Finkelstein: You're scared I might try to kiss you or something?

Tom Saubers: Peter. We are honest people, okay? We may not have much, but we have that. We are honest people.

Bill Hodges: Nothing spectacular about it. They only put ordinary failures on TV nowadays. It makes the ads look better.

John Rothstein: Billy, I think you're missing the point. There's only one way out, and that's in.

Lou Linklatter: Your job is to show the jury that Brady-bashing... oh. It's such a good thing. Brady-bashing is sympathetic and so... pretty.

Roland Finkelstein: A person in Ohio can't be convicted of both murder and manslaughter for the same killing.
Antonio Montez: No. It's one or the other.
Roland Finkelstein: Because not all killings are the same. Murder is worse than manslaughter.

Lou Linklatter: He's a very complicated person. He really is. He hurts me, and then he helps me, and then he hurts me. All I gotta do is know which one is which.

--
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Pants on Fire

Atypical 2×4

Sam: "And even though it was way, way too short, it's an accomplishment that will stay with me forever."
Ms. Whitaker: No. Sam, you can't write your college essay about seeing an exotic dancer's boobies.
Sam: Why not? They asked about my greatest accomplishments. That's one of my greatest accomplishments.

Ms. Whitaker: ... What about your autism?
Sam: What about it?
Ms. Whitaker: Well, why don't you write about that? I mean, you get good grades, you've had the same job for over a year... Those are major accomplishments for anyone with ASD. ... You're a real success story, Sam.
Sam: No. Autism isn't an accomplishment. It's something I was born with. You wouldn't write an essay about having ten fingers and ten toes, would you? No, because that would be really, really, really, really dumb. So I'll stick with the boobs.

Casey: Sometimes you have to lie to get by.
Sam: Oh, like how a polar bear cub will cover its black nose to blend in with the snow when it's trying to hunt a seal.

Casey: What I'm saying is that lying is an important survival skill, like using a flint to light a fire.
Sam: I can't do that either.
Casey: Oh, dude, it's not that hard.
Sam: Really?
Casey: I don't know. It was a lie. Do you see how easy that was?

Elsa: Look, sweetie, regardless of your sister's terrible advice, it is never okay to lie. Lies tend to snowball and... one leads to another... and before you know it, you are so deep in a hole, it's almost impossible to dig yourself back out.
Sam: Okay. The idea of digging yourself out of a hole is ridiculous. The more you dig, the deeper you get.
Elsa: Yeah. You're right. How did that ever become an expression?

---

Zahid: Lucky for you, I have developed a foolproof lying strategy. I call it the Pants on Fire technique, or POF for short. Ready?.. "P," praise. Start every lie with a compliment. Something about their personality, or their appearance, or their sharp new suspenders.
Sam: What if they're not wearing suspenders?
Zahid: Any accessory will do. People are desperate for validation. Next, "O," as in "obviously." If they're skeptical of your lie, simply repeat the word "obviously."
Sam: How many times?
Zahid: I play it by ear. But, I like to vary my tones. Finally, "F," for "flee the scene." Lying invites follow-up questions, and follow-up questions kill lies, but you can't follow up with a man who isn't there.

Zahid: I threw in an extra tip for you. Call him "buddy," works every time. 'Cause who would lie to their buddy?

Sam: I see the wisdom of the Pants on Fire technique, but I wouldn't know where to start.
Zahid: That's easy. Start by lying to your ex, because, so what? Can't dump you again. Can't be tried for the same crime twice. No double jeopardy allowed.
Sam: I do like an established legal precedent.
Zahid: Samesies. You're gonna be just fine, my guy. Easy frickin' peasy.

Sam: I didn't like lying to Bob. But I'm glad you get to keep your job. So, it's a bad feeling, but a good feeling, too.
Zahid: That's how you know you're doing it right. I could hug you, you magnificent bastard.
Sam: Maybe just a small one...
Zahid: I like that we're secure enough to do this semi-regularly.
Sam: I'm neutral about it.

Sam: Zahid has lots of theories. Theories about lying, and girls, and the best way to make mac and cheese.
Zahid: It's four times as much butter as you would think, three times as much cheese and half the pasta. It is so delicious. You should try it.

Sam: One of his theories is that people with autism are actually the normal ones, because we see the world as it really is. ... It's only neurotypicals who put an extra layer of meaning on top of what's actually there so it makes sense to them.

--
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True Killers

American Horror Story. 1984

9×4

Montana: Ah! Let's hit it, boys. Come on. Shut up and dance... Kick. And jump. Two, three. And other side. Thrust. And thrust. Hips, and roll it. And touch that hair. And roll that pussy. Come on, yeah!

Montana: Would you kill me? Would you kill for me?

Bertie: I'll fix you something. Peanut butter and jelly, right?... I never forget a sandwich order.

Bertie: We can't fix what's already done. But we always got a say in what happens next.

Bertie: You always hated the crust...

Donna Chambers: I knew you'd go left. Textbook victim mentality, seeking safety in numbers.

Donna Chambers: Victims of serial killers are overwhelmingly female. Thank you for your sacrifice.

Margaret Booth: You were just a guy who was in the wrong place at the right time.

--
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Bitter Moon (1992)

Mr. Singh: But why on earth go to India?
Nigel: I think we needed a break from the rat race... and India's got so much to teach the West.
Mr. Singh: Really? What, for example?
Nigel: Well, you know, inner serenity, that kind of stuff...
Mr. Singh: The Karma-Nirvana syndrome. Lot of poppycock, I'm afraid. No, India's all flies, smells, and beggars... and as for serenity, it's the noisiest place on earth.

Oscar: It's hard to relate to something... that doesn't concern you.

Oscar: Well, Nigel? Come on, your lovely wife has just implied... that she's lost all her mystery for you. True or false?
Nigel: ... I think there's probably a corner of everyone... that remains to be explored.
Oscar: Halfhearted, but better than nothing. Well, Fiona, they'll have to make do with that. He's right, though. Everyone has secret nooks and crannies. Every relationship, no matter how harmonious... contains seeds of farce or tragedy.
Nigel: ... I do not like the look of that sky. I'm not sure if the weather's going to hold.
Oscar: Jesus, don't tell me you're taking refuge in the weather.

Oscar: Stop twittering, Nigel!

Nigel: What do you think you're doing... sharing the details of your perverted sex life... with a total stranger? It's just downright obscene.
Oscar: Obscene? Have you ever felt real, overpowering passion? Have you ever truly idolized a woman? Nothing can be obscene in such a love. Everything that occurs between you... becomes a sacrament, don't you see?

Mr. Singh: Believe me, dear lady, children are a better form of marital therapy than any trip to India.

Oscar: Have a heart, Nigel. Don't be too rough... on a man demolished by a love that was too strong.

Oscar: We were developing a narcotic dependence on television... the marital aid that enables a couple to endure each other... without having to talk.

Nigel: If even half that story were true... you'd be too bloody ashamed to tell it.
Oscar: Boy... you still don't know me at all.

Fiona: Now, just watch it, Nigel. Anything you can do, I can do better.

Oscar: After all, it's no fun hurting someone... who means nothing to you.

--
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Unhinged

This Is Us 4×3

Kevin: Um, he's facing, uh, up to $250,000 in fines. Or, uh, ten years in prison. Sir, I mean... the man threw a chair, right? It's not like he, uh, shredded a Banksy. Right?

Mr. Lawrence: ...you should know the rules. I got to write you a yellow slip for being out of dress code with those shoes.
Randall: Yeah, but they're Air Jordans. Like Michael Jordan wears.
Mr. Lawrence: Yeah, but Michael Jordan doesn't have to abide by our dress code. See, look, you want to be in a place like this, you got to look the part, okay. That's why I rock a suit. You know, like Arsenio Hall. Sorry, man.

Cassidy: How do I know you? Oh, you were on a television show. Um... Who's the Boss?
Kevin: Who's the Boss? I'm 39 years old, lady. I was on a show called The Manny. You ever see that?

Kevin: Blanket, panda... Bradshaw.

Kevin: Robot, giraffe... diapers.

---

Jae-won: ... Yep. And maybe we can talk about my proposal, if there's time?
Randall: Oh, Batman would love nothing more, Robin.
Jae-won: Can I be someone other than Robin? I mean, he looks Asian, but he isn't Asian. Amadeus Cho, maybe.
Randall: Sure, buddy. You can be Amadeus Cho.

Kate: New-mom stress has me up ten pounds. New-dad stress means that you have Popeye arms? That doesn't make any sense!

Kate: I'm so happy that you're getting healthy, and you look amazing. Seriously, you look like Vin Diesel's body double.
Toby: You know that The Pacifier's my guilty pleasure.
Kate: Yes. All too well.

Kevin: I've been struggling quite a bit today. I've been wanting to drink pretty badly. So, uh, I've been using this technique that I learned. They say you picture your... your reasons not to drink and then you, um, you just sort of use them as a mantra. Like, for me, I-I picture, um, I picture my nephew's room. I picture, uh, his-his robot poster, panda lamp. He's got this, um, this handmade mini football stadium, complete with a tiny Terry Bradshaw. I wasn't sober when my nephew was born, but I have been sober every day since. But sometimes I wonder why.

Kevin: ... Was that a mistake? I don't know. I'm not getting any younger, that's for sure. You know, hopefully, with age, just comes a little more, uh, gravitas, right? But it's not up to us. I mean, it could be, you know...

--
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401 Unauthorized

Mr. Robot 4×1

Wang Shu: Our team has an update on the shipment hack we obtained from Mr. Alderson. It appears it will grant us the clearance we need by the end of the year. It's October now, so that's two more months we'll have to wait.
Whiterose: Just in time for the holidays.

Wang Shu: In the meantime, he needs to be kept on a short leash and trained not to bite his master.

Whiterose: I hope you enjoy your last Christmas, my dear Elliot.

Mr. Robot: How ya doin', Freddy? Not too good? That's okay. I get it. Jerking off to underage girls on live video chats is one thing. When it's played back, though, kinda loses its magic.

Freddy: Merry Christmas, and I'll... I'll see you in 2016!

Freddy: Inbox? I'm an attorney, pal. That inbox is full of sensitive client information. You hear me?..... Hello?...
Mr. Robot: I was just taking a moment to think about whether or not I give a fuck... I don't.

---

Freddy: Who the fuck is this?!!
Mr. Robot: This is Mr. Robot.

Freddy: Wait a second. Where are you, anyway?
Mr. Robot: As far as you're concerned, I'm everywhere.
Freddy: What does that even mean?
Mr. Robot: It means I own the entire station.

Mr. Robot: This John Garcin practically posts every shit he takes... It's these people that are the real psychos. I mean, how proud of your life can you be?

Mr. Robot: He's shutting down, compartmentalizing the pain, living in the distraction, just like the holidays: the fake Santas, the plastic trees, the annoying Christmas carols... One big song-and-dance production to sell ourselves the theater that everything's jolly, at least for a moment. But when it's all over, Santa's gone back to his shitty day job. The trees get disassembled and thrown in a closet. The music's faded away. What then?

--
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Shots!!!

South Park 23×3

Randy Marsh:
♪ Happy 300 to us ♪
♪ Happy 300 to us ♪
♪ Happy 300, Tegridy Farms ♪
♪ Happy three hundred thousand dollars ♪

Randy Marsh: Are you guys still pissed off about the China thing?... You may not like that I do business with China, but personally, I think you guys having a problem with China is racist.

Doctor: Who wants shots?
Eric Cartman: Shots?

Doctor: Eric, it's just a little prick.
Eric Cartman: Prick!

Eric Cartman: Hey, guys! I'm back in school! Everything worked out. I'm allowed back, and it's all good!
Stan Marsh: You got your shots?
Eric Cartman: No, I don't have to get my shots ever! And they can't do anything about it. Because I'm a consciousness objector.
Token: A conscientious objector?

Eric Cartman: I told the school, I said, look you guys, I happen to have... "religious, moral, or philosophical convictions." And... And I said I believe that "health and disease should not be controlled by vaccination." Those are my beliefs. And besides, I don't want to risk immunizations making me artistic.

Eric Cartman: Can somebody get me a paper towel? I got a snot web here. Consciousness objector coming through.

P.C. Principal: I understand your frustration, but a government organization like a school cannot impose its will on a conscientious objector.

---

Thomas Tucker: I don't quite see how it's fair that all the rest of our community agrees to this. Why does one family get to have a problem with it?
Mrs. Cartman: I'm sorry. It's just my strong, personal belief that "among other things, vaccines contain harmful ingredients. formaldehyde, aluminum and even mercury."

Stephen Stotch: Aw, come on, Mrs. Cartman, all major medical organizations state that vaccines are safe! The CDC, the FDA, UNICEF, and the US Department of Health!
Mrs. Cartman: Yes, yes, I know but... "we can't even risk a 0.1% chance of vaccinations making our children artistic."
— Well, that's true. There are enough artists in the world...

Mrs. Cartman: Don't you people criticize me until you've taken Eric to the doctor, and you've tried to hold him down! I'm a good mother! Don't you dare question if I care about my child!

Big Mesquite Murph: You say you got yourself a conscientious objector?... Well, you just sit tight. There aren't never no hog that Big Mesquite Murph couldn't catch.

Mrs. Cartman: Eric, please! You don't know how hard it is to be a parent! Sometimes we don't know the right thing to do!
Eric Cartman: So you go along with society and try to force immunizations on me even knowing the health risks?! What if immunizations made my friend Timmy the way he is? What if they made Jimmy the way he is? What if they made Token the way he is?

Big Mesquite Murph: Don't you question me! If anyone believes that the most common side effect of vaccines... anaphylaxis... occurs in only one per several hundred thousand to one per million vaccinations, it's Big Mesquite Murph.

--
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Little Dude and the Lion

Atypical 2×3

Sam: I think everyone sometimes gets the urge to run... to flee. When you're autistic, it's called elopement.

Sam: The worst elopement story I ever heard was the one that the hostess at a Mongolian BBQ told my mom when I was little. The lion story. It's about a boy with autism who went on a safari with his parents in Africa. He was frightened by all the sounds and smells of the jungle. He could feel the predators everywhere. It became too much for him, so he ran off into the night. Where legend has it... he was eaten by a ferocious lion.

Doug: Hey, what do you like more, Sam, grilled cheese or pizza?
Sam: Grilled cheese. It's firmer, so it's easier to eat with one hand.

Sam: The changes that I'm dealing with are that my mom left home, and my sister doesn't go to my school anymore. And my therapist won't see me, and my ex-girlfriend wanted to have a casual relationship, and then no relationship. And, well... The reason prey animals hang around in a pack is for safety. So they don't get eaten. And I was feeling like a prey animal with no pack. And on top of all of that, I'm graduating into The Abyss. And that's... scary. That's all.
Ms. Whitaker: Yeah, forget what I said about The Abyss. I was just being dramatic.
Sam: I liked it. It's an accurate description.

Sam: I know there might be stuff that's hard or scary, but... everything is changing here anyway, so I can handle it. And if I need help I'll ask for it. Because change is inevitable and I'm not going to let all my teeth fall out.
Doug:Your teeth?
Sam: Yes. And I'm going to graduate whether we like it or not, so I might as well get ready for The Abyss. Sorry, Mom.

Sam: Lions don't have bad intentions. They don't eat prey out of spite. They're just doing what nature tells them to do. Like how parents try to protect you, or... girlfriends change their mind, or people leave. Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in that lion's belly. Like I can't move. Like no one can see or hear me. But there's always a way out.

--
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A Broom Closet and Satan's Monopoly Board

Young Sheldon 3×2

Sheldon: School's in session...

George: The pastor's been married before. Is it really that big a deal?
Mary: Yes, George. It states very clearly in the Bible: "Among you there must not be even a hint of... sexual... immorality.
George: That book is a bummer sometimes.

George: What do you think you're doing?!
Sheldon: Exploring the impact of the French invasion on Imperial Russian society.

Sheldon: I don't learn anything in class. But in here I've taught myself the applications of gravitational lensing, Faraday's law of magnetic induction, and how to whistle... Well, sound came out yesterday.

Pastor Jeff: Which one says "Robin, I like you" but also says "God is watching, be cool"?
Mary: The blue one.

George: I made a decision. He was in the building, he was safe, and he was learning.

Missy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Watching last week's Professor Proton in my mind.

Sheldon: But I like the way that Dr. Sturgis teaches.
Meemaw: Well, you might like the way that Dr. Linkletter teaches even better.
Sheldon: Is it lecture-based?
Meemaw: I don't know.
Sheldon: What's his interpretation of quantum mechanics?
Meemaw: I couldn't say.
Sheldon: Where'd he get his doctorate?
Meemaw: From the University of Shut Up and Say Thank You.
Sheldon: Thank you.

---

Pastor Jeff: Robin just got here. She looks nice, and she smells even nicer.
Mary: Come on, now. Uh, nothing smells better than eternal salvation.

George: So, what do you two fight about?
Wayne: You know, normal stuff. Who loves the other one more. Whose turn it is for a foot rub. Oh, the other day, we did argue about which way the toilet paper should hang.
George: Who won?
Wayne: I don't remember. We just ended up making love on the bathroom floor.

Sheldon: Same room. Different teacher. Same night. Different time. This is a real roller coaster.
Meemaw: Yeah, it's wild.

George: Son of a bitch! They don't have kids. That's why they're happy.

Mary: But you can't blame the children.
George: Oh, I can, and I am. Don't get me wrong. They're great. I love them. But you got to admit that they do not make our lives easy.
Mary: I suppose there's a... challenging aspect to them.

George: Hey. Think about how clean the house would be if it was just us.
Mary: Oh, my!

Dr. Linkletter: No wonder Sturgis went crazy.

--
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+ Vanity Card # 628

The Pool: Part Two

This Is Us 4×2

Jack: Happy end of summer vacation, babe.

Jack: That's because they're going into seventh grade. They want nothing to do with us anymore. You know, they actually think we're dorks. Like, me, a dork. Me.

Kevin: So, good news: my houseplant finally grew a new branch. So... which, for those of you who aren't regulars here, uh, my sponsor suggested that I get something simple to take care of. Said it would keep me focused. So I got a ficus.

Kate: I'm excited. According to Dr. Dorsey, this woman is amazing. And Yelp.
Toby: There are specialists who teach you how to raise a blind baby on Yelp?
Kate: Oh, there's everything on Yelp.

Jack: Hey, babe? You know, there is an upside... why don't you lay back... to kids that want nothing to do with us. Ahhhhh.

Kevin: You doing paleo or aikido or, yeah, are you intermittent fasting?
Toby: More like, uh, intermittent stressing. You know, what-what you do is, for 22 hours a day, you stress, uh, uh, over your baby, and you stress about your mortgage, and then, you just sleep for the other two hours... The weight just falls off.

Randall: What was he talking to you about?
Deja: The Democratic primary. I don't know. Randall, he was a weirdo. The bus is full of weirdos.

---

Keith: How is your brother blacker than you, Randall?
Kevin: Randall's an Oreo!

Beth: I don't know, first it's the new haircut, and then it's clothes, and... before long the little girl I knew like the back of my hand is someone completely new, and it just... makes me so sad.
Randall: They're changing so fast...

Jack: Hey, you want to know what worked for me?.. Having people you care about. People you want to take care of. That will turn you into the man that you want to be.

Kevin: I don't think he likes me.
Kate: No, no, no, no, no. He likes you fine. You just, you have to warn him first. Right? Because he can't see you, so you have to... you got to brace him for what's coming. Right? So then you just, you narrate what's happening. Right? So all the baby stuff that you normally do with your face... it's with your voice and with your touch.

Kate: Jack can't see, but he can hear, he can sense, he can feel. And I don't want worry to be the prevailing feeling in this home. I want it to be hope.

Randall: There's no denying it. You three are getting old. Old as dirt. So I think it's time, uh, we let you girls in on a little game your mother and I play. It's called "Worst Case Scenario". Now, the rules are simple. We all go around and we say "worst case scenario", and then our biggest fears as to the worst possible way our lives could go from this move.

Jack: You guys have a good end-of-summer pool day?

--
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Lines We Cross

The Walking Dead 10×1

Aaron: Michonne... are we the good guys?... We're the villains of someone else's story, a threat to their survival, so dangerous they threaten to wipe us out. Makes you wonder sometimes.

Aaron: I'm Goddamn sick of bein' nice!
Michonne: Well, good, 'cause nice never got me anywhere. But smart did. They have a nuclear weapon, and we don't. It's not about being nice or good or anything but keeping our people alive and not having them die over nothing.

Michonne: The truth is, we are the good guys. And I know who Rick and Carl were... We have to choose to be the good guys even when it's hard. And... the minute that we start to question that and we lose sight of it, that's when the answer to that question starts to change, and that's scarier than any skin mask.

Judith: The Brave Man couldn't let the walkers reach his friends and hurt them, so he blew up the bridge, and all the walkers fell into the water and he saved all his friends. The end.
RJ: Did the Brave Man go to his friend's house after that?
Judith: No. He died and went to heaven.
RJ: Will he come back someday, like the walkers?
Judith: No, not like that. But people, like the Brave Man, are never really gone anyway. He lives inside our hearts and makes us brave, too.

Negan: You see, people tend to get mixed up on about who they hate. Yesterday, I was public enemy number one. Now? Well, now I'm the guy that picks the vegetables and takes out the trash. I'm okay with that. For now, at least.

Negan: I'm gonna keep my head down so people don't move me from the proverbial semi-"us" category to the category of "them."

---

Negan: You see, the boogeyman just stuck his gnarly skin-covered mask out from behind that closet door, and people are puttin' their shittin' pants back on because pants-shittin' is definitely happenin'.

Gabriel: So you're telling me to lie? That's your advice?
Negan: No, not lie. At most, I'm talkin' about a little strategic omission, maybe minor misleading. Think of it as using the truth to manipulate. But, hell, at the end of the day, if that's what keeps people alive... what's the harm?

Ezekiel: You ever wonder why they call bird shit "guano"?
Daryl: Nah. I just call it bird shit.

Ezekiel: When I worked in a zoo, birds used to scare the hell out of me. Lions, tigers, no problem. There's a kind of sense to the way big cats operate. But ostriches? Those things'll disembowel you for lookin' at 'em sideways.
Daryl: You gotta eat more birds, show 'em who's boss.
Ezekiel: Wonder what seagull tastes like...
Daryl: Not chicken.

Carol: You ever wonder if this is all there is? Just run into people, kill each other until whoever's left says enough?
Daryl: Sometimes I think we're just survivin' one fight to the next.

Daryl: There's got to be people out there like us. Right?

Carol: Screw the boat. We'll take your bike and go out on the road.
Daryl: Better.
Carol: Head out West.
Daryl: New Mexico.
Carol: What the hell's in New Mexico?

--
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Trial and Terror

Mr. Mercedes 3x4

John Rothstein: The worst crime that my generation ever committed is that we murdered Satan. Now nobody's evil. They're damaged, they're misunderstood, they're unloved, but they're not evil. God forbid you say that. But here's a problem... If there is no Satan, then there is no God. And where there's no God, there's Mr. Mercedes plowing into a bunch of innocent people looking for jobs.

Alma Lane: I know Bill. He's a bloodhound, only less handsome.

Jerome Robinson: I'll go. I'll take the information.
Bill Hodges: Take information. Don't give any. Do you understand?
Jerome Robinson: Sí, kemosabe.
Bill Hodges: What does that mean?
Jerome Robinson: It means you're no longer a lone ranger. You have two sidekicks right here.

Bill Hodges: But you need to let Brady go.
Lou Linklatter: Easier said than done.

Bill Hodges: At the end of the day, we're all fucking head cases. But our only hope is to hang on to our wits, even if only by a thread. You need to be hanging on to yours.

Lou Linklatter: With public sentiment on one's side, nothing can fail.
Bill Hodges: Brady say that, did he?
Lou Linklatter: ... It's Abraham Lincoln.

Lou Linklatter: The public is gonna set me free.
Bill Hodges: ... The facts don't support her. The law doesn't. She's off in the fuckin' head. I don't see how this hand gets played. I really don't.
Holly Gibney: Well, um, Finkelstein is good. I mean, we just have to hope he's great, I guess?

---

Bill Hodges: Mm. What's your perfume? Vanilla? You smell like cookie dough.
Holly Gibney: You don't get to say things like that to me.
Bill Hodges: Why not?
Holly Gibney: Because you're my boss, okay? You're not supposed to take note of how I look or smell. It's practically illegal for you to even notice I'm a woman. Don't you read?
Bill Hodges: And where would I read that fuckshit, on your Facebook? I'm not allowed to notice ya as a woman? Would lunatic be okay, gender neutral? Jesus fuckin' balls.

Bill Hodges: That's bullshit. We made a deal... you scratch my balls, I scratch yours.
Antonio Montez: We didn't make that deal. Thanks for the visual.

Holly Gibney: May I ask a question?
Roland Finkelstein: Of course.
Holly Gibney: Are we on a date?
Roland Finkelstein: Would you like it to be?
Holly Gibney: Well... what I'd like is for you to answer my question with something other than another question.

Bill Hodges: Something about Satan. Rothstein was banging on about needing him back.
Ida Silver: Satan?
Bill Hodges: Yeah, the world needs him back because he's better than the alternative.
Ida Silver: Oh-ho! God?
Bill Hodges: People.

Ida Silver: Kids today, they think everything is stupid. Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal"... stupid. "Young Goodman Brown," by Nathanial Hawthorne... so stupid.

Lou Linklatter: Diamond in the rough, right?
Roland Finkelstein: I'm sorry?
Lou Linklatter: Holly. Diamond in the rough. Like that... Neil Diamond song.

--
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A Girl from Arizona, Pt. 2

The Good Place 4×2

Chapter 41

Eleanor: Let's focus on Brent. Born on third base, thinks he invented the game of baseball. Guys like this believe that the world revolves around them because... it kind of does.

Eleanor: And also, bonus... maybe he cries like a stupid little baby.

Jason: I feel bad for making Janet's life more chaotic and unpredictable, so here's my idea to make it up to her. Me and 100 Janet Babies do a giant flash mob... just total unpredictable chaos all around her. Great idea, right?

Michael: Jason, Jason, Jason, Jason, Jason.
Jason: Mm-hmm.
Michael: Sorry, I put a little cheat code in the Neighborhood where if I say your name five times my headache goes away.

Jason: So... you're saying wanting to do something isn't a good reason to immediately do it?... Man, I wish someone had taught me this on Earth...
Michael: People tried. Mostly judges.

Brent: In the words of Martin Luther King, Jr., who I personally believe was a great man, he said that when life knocks you on your butt, you jump back up and start throwing haymakers.
Eleanor: I'm not sure he said that...
Brent: No, no, he did. You're wrong.

Eleanor: If we want him to understand he doesn't belong here, ... we need to bust him open like a piñata.
Michael: We tried that in the Bad Place. The goo that comes out doesn't taste as good as candy.
Eleanor: No, dude, metaphorically.
Michael: Ahh.

Brent: This chaos is clearly all about me. This is the universe telling me that I don't belong here.
Eleanor: Brent, what do you mean?
Brent: I don't belong in the Good Place. I mean, obviously there's a place better than this. I belong there. In the best place.

Eleanor: I'm gonna go punch a wall with my head. I'll meet up with you later.

Eleanor: ...And if I could give you some feedback, I'd say that you're all ungrateful ash-faces who can shove your fat grumps all the way up your snork-box.
Michael: Which curses were those?

Eleanor: Well, good luck, forkfaces. I quit! Shellstrop out.

---

Eleanor: I'm not meant for this. I'm not the freakin' savior of the universe. I'm just... a girl from Arizona. That's it.

Eleanor: I'm just a normal girl from Arizona. I ate junk food. I watched reality shows. I sometimes left H&M wearing more underpants than I had on when I came in...

Michael: Like it or not... the only one who can save a humanity is a girl from Arizona.
Eleanor: But everything I do blows up in my face. I'm like a hot, blonde Wile E. Coyote.
Michael: That's true. About you making lots of mistakes, not the thing where you sexualized a cartoon.

Michael: Come on, you know how this works. You fail and then you try something else. And you fail again and again, and you fail a thousand times, and you keep trying because... maybe the 1,001st idea might work. Now, I'm gonna and try to find our 1,001st idea. I hope you'll join me.

Eleanor: Ladies and gentlemen, back with her trademark brand of B-minus leadership, Eleanor Shellstrop.

Eleanor: You sure there's no other girl from Arizona who can do this? What about Emma Stone? She's from there. She's very capable. Remember her in "Zombieland" and "La La Land"? What's with all her movies ending with "land"?
Michael: You're stalling.
Eleanor: Yep, heading out.

Eleanor: I wouldn't have told you ordinarily, but since she's gone a little cuckoo bananas... that's the official Architect term...

Chidi: There are some great writings on simulated realities that might help her adjust... Descartes, Moravec, Zhuang Zhou...

Chidi: So if I understand your state of mind, it's basically solipsism. You think that you're the only real thing in the universe and everything else stems from your consciousness.
Simone: Yes, but to be fair, I only think that because it's true and I'm right.
Chidi: No offense, but solipsism as a philosophy is pretty juvenile... It's also impossible to refute because everything you see is confirmed by your belief. However...

Chidi: In a larger sense, if you go around acting like no one else matters then you end up doing things like knocking over cakes and pushing people into pools and just generally acting like a jerk. Why not treat them better just in case they're real? I mean, what do you have to lose by treating people with kindness and respect?

Eleanor: Is this what donating old bras to Goodwill feels like?

--
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The Red Sea Diving Resort (2019)

Kabede Bimro: You are crazy.
Ari Levinson: We leave no one behind.

Kabede Bimro: We are making our way north, hoping to fulfill the prophecy to arrive in the land promised to our fathers. The Holy Land. We have waited for 2,700 years. We will arrive in Jerusalem, the City of God... one day.

Sammy Navon: You're a lucky guy. But when the luck runs out, then... you gotta have a plan, and you never have one.

Defense Minister: Let me get this straight. You want Mossad, the Israeli intelligence service, to purchase an abandoned hotel from the Sudanese government...

Defense Minister: So, your idea, just to reiterate, is to send a group of Jews to a Muslim country, to a place where they might get eaten by Bedouins, to run a fake hotel, in order to rescue a group of black Jews who might or might not survive a 1,000-kilometer walk across the desert, to be smuggled out to sea by Israeli Navy Seals to an Israeli ship.
Ari Levinson: Disguised as a petroleum service vessel, yeah.
Defense Minister: That's ridiculous. Is Natcor still operational?
Mossad Chief Barack Isaacs: Yep.
Ari Levinson: What's Natcor?
Mossad Chief Barack Isaacs: It's a shore company in Switzerland we use for large transactions.
Ari Levinson: How large?
Ethan Levin: Like leasing a hotel.

Ari Levinson: And her name was Sheba, and she was the most beautiful queen in the world. And she traveled all the way from Africa to visit Solomon in Jerusalem. And they fell in love and they had a baby. And that's why, thousands of years later, part of our family's in Africa. And that's why I have to help them.

Max Rose: I still think this is a stupid name for someone from Malta. Why Malta?
Ari Levinson: Max. When you learn a second language, that's where you can be from. Till then you're from Malta. No one knows what people from Malta speak.
Rachel Reiter: What do people speak in Malta?
Sammy Navon: Maltese?
Ari Levinson: See, no one knows, that's the point.

Ethan Levin: Let's be very clear. This mission has no backup. There's no exfil plan for you. You're going in without guns, or any other weapon. If this goes wrong, you'll all be hanging from cranes in Khartoum.

---

Colonel Madibbo: Now that we have sealed the deal like we do in the East, let us celebrate like you do in the West... To the Red Sea Diving Resort!

Rachel Reiter: So what do we do?
Ari Levinson: ... Check 'em in. Give them rooms.
Sammy Navon: Check them in? Are you crazy? This is a fake hotel!
Ari Levinson: So fake it. Look, we all knew this could happen at some point, right?
Sammy Navon: We did?
Jacob 'Jake' Wolf: I didn't.
Ari Levinson: Our fake hotel just became a real one.

Sammy Navon: Of course it was Germans. It had to be Germans, it's always Germans.

Max Rose: Whoever saves one life saves the world entire. We just saved 174...

Kabede Bimro: One ancient people suffers among the rest. The Jews of Ethiopia. We, like all Ethiopians, are in danger. But we alone are getting help... Men from Israel. Men who do not look like us but who share our same history. Our same dream. Our hope... We are making our way north, hoping to fulfill the prophecy to arrive in the land promised to our fathers. The Holy Land. We have waited for 2,700 years. We will arrive in Jerusalem, the City of God... one day.

Ari Levinson: You're right. I'm an asshole. I let my ego get in the way. I get an idea, and I go with it. I don't listen. I take risks. Sometimes it works, sometimes people get hurt. I'm sorry.

Walton Bowen: I'd really like to hear it. From you.
Ari Levinson: Hypothetically? I'm the Israeli government.
Walton Bowen: Well fuckin' shalom.

Ari Levinson: I don't know what this person's gonna tell you. They may tell you to throw me out of the building or the country, but I promise you, what you do right now will be your legacy. When you look back on this moment, it will either fill you with great pride, or great shame.

Kabede Bimro: Leave no one behind. You're crazy, you know that?

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Penguin Cam and Chill

Atypical 2×2

Sam: After a female emperor penguin lays an egg, she immediately goes away, leaving the male to care for and warm the egg until it hatches.
Doug: Oh, yeah? Where's the egg?
Sam: Under the father's tail feathers.
Doug: That's a dude? That's cool.

Casey: Why do villains always have cats?

Sam: You look like Roald Amundsen, dressed for an expedition. Without the frostbite and the beard.
Paige: Is that a compliment?
Sam: Of course.
Paige: Thank you.

Sam: Sometimes when talking to Paige, I lose track of what her words mean. It's like she's a whale or a dolphin using echolocation. And I'm a boy speaking English.

Sam: I don't understand this at all. First, Paige made out with me in the art room, but then she wouldn't hold my hand even though she's the one who came up with the hand-holding rule in the first place, months ago.
Zahid: Tale as old as time, beautiful vixen using her wiles to scramble your brains.
Sam: Yes, they do feel scrambled.

Zahid: You, my man, are in the gray area. First, you and Paige were hot and heavy: relationship. Then you broke her heart and she murdered that poor penguin: not a relationship. So she wants to protect herself, but still finds you really cute, obvi. And now, you're all up in that gray area.
Sam: Is... the gray area a bird or me?

Zahid: Okay. Advice incoming. Sit down.
Sam: Good. I was hoping for this. I brought my notebook.
Zahid: Uhh! You ready? Here's what you do.... Nothing.
Sam: What?
Zahid: Dude, the gray area is the bomb! You get all the nookie and none of the responsibility. Let me put it this way: What's the reason you'd never have a dragon as a pet?
Sam: Ahh! So many.
Zahid: Exactly. Where are you going to find the treasure for it to fall asleep on? How do you keep it from burning down your house? How do you keep it a secret from the FBI, so they don't take him away, wrap him in plastic and take away his powers like ET? If all those problems just magically went away, then poof! You get to pal around with a dope-ass dragon all day.

---

Zahid: But for real, how baller would it be to have a dragon?
Sam: Not very.
Zahid: What if it could sing?
Sam: Still no.

Sam: Dad brought pizza. There's enough for everyone, but only if all non-family members only have one slice.

Sam: I need you to clarify the rules of a casual relationship.
Paige: Oh! Um... I haven't really thought about it, but... We don't hold hands. We don't hold books, we don't hold anything. Well, except for each other, when I say that we can... We don't discuss feelings, crushes or finances. Oh! And our weekends are our own. If we happen to be eating lunch together or studying together, sit across the table from each other, not side-by-side like the French. But we do kiss like the French.
Sam: Got it.

Sam: You want to watch the penguin cam with me?
Paige: Absolutely not. A shared interest that involves birth is a minefield, definitely against the rules.
Sam: Okay.

Paige: Thanks for coming--
Sam: Rule number nine: No kissing hello or goodbye. Remember?

Paige: ... I feel really rejected.
Sam: Rule number three: No talking about feelings.

Paige: Honestly, I feel pretty bummed. I mean, can't we just, like... cuddle and watch a movie?
Sam: Is that a joke? Rule number four and eleven.

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Band in China

South Park 23×2

Randy Marsh: You guys... I've just had the greatest idea ever. ... I've been trying to figure out how to make more money selling weed. And last night, it came to me. We could grow the family business by selling Tegridy... to the Chinese.

Randy Marsh: I did a little research. Turns out there's a lot of people in China. If we can get like 2% of that market to buy our weed, we'd make millions of millions of dollars.

Randy Marsh: Oh, for Christ's sake! You have a good idea and everyone wants to copy you!... Fine. I can handle some healthy competition. Who else wants to go to China and get some of their money?... Oh, for crying' out loud!

Randy Marsh: Let me guess, you work for a company trying to get Chinese people as customers. Wow, where'd you get that idea? It's okay. It's okay. I'm sure there's plenty of Chinese people for all of us.

Producer: Records? What are you kids, from the '90s?! There's no money in albums or singles or even tours anymore. What we need to focus on... is your biopic. ... PC Babies' biopic came out last week. Made over $100 million.

Producer: What makes a band truly great? It's a desire to be heard. And a commitment to a three-act structure that has a 20-minute setup, about an hour and a half of conflict, and a big, triumphant resolution.

Stan Marsh: Oh, and then Kenny learned to play bass watching YouTube videos of John Lennon with the Dalai Lama.
Producer: Oh, oh, yeah, no, no, we don't want to go there. Talking about the Dalai Lama doesn't go over well with the Chinese.
Jimmy Valmer: The... the... the what?
Producer: Look, for this movie to really make money, we need to be sure it clears the Chinese censors, you know? We want those Chinese viewers!

Producer: It's okay. There's plenty of other things to talk about with your story. How about... What kind of things were you into when you were younger?
Butters Stotch: Well, I always liked Winnie the Pooh!
Producer: Oh, no, no, no, no no no, that's definitely off limits.

Producer: Hey, you want to move away from your family, right? You want to be successful on your own, right?
Stan Marsh: Yeah...
Producer: Alright, well, you know what they say... You got to lower your ideals of freedom if you want to suck on the warm teat of China.

Producer: Listen, guys, we, uh, just got word back from the Chinese censors. They don't want us mentioning organ transplants.
Stan Marsh: How come?
Producer: Well, they've been accused of harvesting organs from the... L-Look, it doesn't matter. They... They just said no to the organ stuff.

Producer: Oh, and, uh, no homosexuality either.
Stan Marsh: No homosexuality?! We're trying to do a band biopic!
Butters Stotch: Yeah, and what's wrong with homosexuality, anyways?
Producer: Nothing! Unless you want to make money in China.

Thor: Well, it is true, sir. The Chinese seem to exploit their own people with forced labor that...
Mickey Mouse: Shut the fuck up, Thor! You're here to flex and not think, ya fucking bitch!

Mickey Mouse: Who is this? I don't know you. Are you from Pixar?
Randy Marsh: No, I'm from South Park.
Mickey Mouse: What's South Park? Do I own that?
— No, not yet, sir.

Randy Marsh: Hey, hold on a minute! You really think that business should be run through intimidation and fear? Whatever happened to old-time values? You already have business with the Chinese. You have all the connections money can buy. But there's one thing you don't have... And that's Tegridy. Now, it just so happens...

---

Producer: Cut! Cut, cut! Cut! Uh, kids, let's not say anything about this being a free country.
Stan Marsh: Aw, come on!
Producer: Hey, these guys were nice enough to come all the way from China to help us with our standards. We can at least listen to their notes.

Producer: Come on, guys. Everyone else is fine with China approving our entertainment. Even the PC Babies don't seem to mind. And PC Babies cry about everything!

Producer: You just got to rewrite the script before we continue shooting. Go back to your room and just write your story. It has to come from your heart.

Randy Marsh: They didn't listen at all? But why not?
Mickey Mouse: It's the bear. They're still pissed off about the bear.
Randy Marsh: But for what?

Randy Marsh: So what if we took their side, then? What if we showed China that we understand how they feel to be made fun of on the Internet?

Stan Marsh: Now I know how all the writers in Hollywood feel...

Winnie the Pooh: Oh! What delicious honey! I would like to share, Piglet... Perhaps I will share... In just a few more slurps I can...

Stan Marsh: I can't do it any more, you guys. I can't even think with the Chinese government censoring everything I write.

Stan Marsh: It's so wrong, you know? I mean, we live in a time where the only movies that us American kids go see are ones that are approved by China.
Jimmy Valmer: Yeah, it's like China is the new MPAA.

Stan Marsh: We just got to face it. A death metal band is never gonna make real money anymore. The only band that would get approved by China would be all vanilla and cheesy.

Stan Marsh: Wait a minute... Wait. Vanilla and cheesy. I've got it! I've got it!

Stan Marsh: This is all wrong!... I can't sell my soul like this. I want to get away from that farm, more than anything. But it's not worth living in a world where China controls my country's art. ... I don't care how many people you have. I've got something in me that just won't let me be a part of all this.

Randy Marsh: Us, Chinese people, have always liked things the old-fashioned way. We like things a little simpler, a little quieter. And now, there's a new weed that goes along with China's beating heart. Because after a hard day of forced labor, or gettin' beat for criticizing the government, we all could use a little time with some good ol' Rocky Mountain weed. It's the soul of the American West, right here in mother China. All hail the Communist Party. And all hail... Tegridy Weed.

Stan Marsh: Dad, why are you covered in honey and blood? Dad, did you kill Winnie the Pooh?

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The One with Two Parts: Part 1

Friends 1×16

Joey: Would it be okay if I asked out your sister?
Phoebe: Why? Why would you want to do that? Why?
Joey: So that if we went out on a date, she'd be there.
Phoebe: Well, I mean, I'm not my sister's, you know... whatever. And, um... I mean, it's true, we were one egg once. But, you know, we've grown apart, so, um... I don't know. Why not?

Chandler: Mr. Dee. How's it going, sir?
Mr. Dee: Uh, it's been better. The Annual Net Usage Statistics are in.
Chandler: And?
Mr. Dee: It's pretty ugly. We haven't seen an ANUS this bad since the '70s.
Chandler: So, what does this mean?
Mr. Dee: We're gonna be laying off people.

Rachel: So, Pheebs, what do you want for your birthday?
Phoebe: Well, what I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me.
Rachel: Okay. Let me put it this way. Anything from Crabtree & Evelyn?
Phoebe: Bath salts would be nice.

Jamie Buchman: Look, you're cold, I have to pee, and there's coffee. How bad could it be?

Mr. Dee: Hmm. You never really know what's going on inside a person's head...
Chandler: Well, I guess that's why they call it psychology, sir.

Ross: I always knew I was having a baby. I just never realized the baby was having me...

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