The Baby Shower

Seinfeld 2×10

Seinfeld: You see, women nest, and men hunt. That's why we watch TV differently.

George: Look, she doesn't deserve a baby shower. She deserves a baby monsoon. She deserves Rosemary's baby.

Jerry: Explain to me how this baby shower thing works... Does it ever erupt into a drunken orgy of violence?
Elaine: Rarely.
Jerry: There's no hazing of the fetus or anything, is there?

Jerry: They're not gonna bust up my apartment, are they?
Elaine: No, I'll take full responsibility.
Jerry: Because I've seen pregnant women... and they sometimes misjudge their fetal girth. And they'll... Just, like, one wrong turn, the whole buffet is, like, right off the table.

Jerry: What you're suggesting is illegal.
Kramer: It's not illegal!
Jerry: It's against the law.
Kramer: Well, yeah...

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Kramer: Will you at least let me bring the guy over? He's an amazing man. He's a Russian immigrant. He escaped from the Gulag. He's like the Sakharov of cable guys. He'll slow down your gas meter. He sells slugs, Jerry. Slugs for the subway!
Jerry: He's a real human-rights nut, huh?

Kramer: Let me get him in. It's the '90s! It's Hammer Time!

Bill: My name is Bill. I might be the last person you ever see.

Jerry: Sometimes the road less traveled... is less traveled for a reason.

George: Every woman on the face of the earth... has complete control of my life... and yet I want them all. Is that irony?

Jerry: All right. I said I had a good time and I'd call... but who takes that literally?

Seinfeld: "Take care, take care." What does that mean? "Take care." "Take off." Isn't that what you really wanna say? "Take off now. Get out of here."

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On the IMDb