Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight

Two and a Half Men 12×4

& Walden: This here kitchen is a death trap. Whole mess of things up in here that can kill someone. We got knives, we got fire, poison, scalding hot water, Alan’s leftover fish tacos...
    Berta: You worry too much. Jake ate a steady diet of floor wax and detergent, and he turned out... Yeah, maybe it’s not a bad idea.

& Berta: Why would you need to lock the towel drawer? You hide your pot in the medicine cabinet— I’m guessing!

& Walden: If you mess this up for me, I will make your life a living hell. Now, remember, we love each other.

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& Herb: Walden, you are gonna make a great dad. And, Alan, you’ve already raised Jake, so I guess just... do the opposite.

& Herb: Sometimes the baby just doesn’t want to come out. I mean, put yourself in its position. For nine months, you’ve been floating in the world’s nicest waterbed. Then somebody opens a trap door, all the water flows out, a set of salad tongs grabs you by the head and yanks you out, and then some guy you never seen before starts slapping you on the ass. Reminds me of a trip I took to Tijuana once...

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On the IMDb