Sex with an Animated Ed Asner

Two and a Half Men 12×7

& Walden: I’m exhausted. I’m also sticky and dirty and sweaty and slimy. I’m like the seven dwarfs of disgusting.

& Alan: Little boys have a lot of energy. They’re like cute little crackheads. Except crackheads have better toilet aim.

& Walden: He’s 24-7. He’s like the Energizer bunny. You know why you never met the Energizer bunny’s dad? ’Cause one night, he went out for cigarettes, and he just kept going and going and going.

& Walden: Actually, I-I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing.
    Laurel: Join the club. Parenting’s like a yoga class. You just do what everybody else is doing and try not to laugh when someone farts.

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& Laurel: Well, I already had the sitter, and... first rule of parenting: Never cancel the sitter.

& Laurel: Uh, do you know what Louis has?
    Walden: Uh, well, I went on the Internet and I’ve narrowed it down to either the flu, rickets or early-onset menopause.
    Laurel: Second rule of parenting: Never consult the Internet.

& Laurel: ... I’m so sorry.
    Walden: What? Why?
    Laurel: You’re married. To a man.
    Walden: Oh... That.

& Walden: ... okay, the thing about my marriage is... I’m not gay.
    Laurel: Does Alan know?
    Walden: His brain knows, but his heart may not.

& Laurel: Parenting rule number four: Sleep is better than sex.

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