How to Get Rid of Alan Harper

Two and a Half Men 11×16

& Walden: Come on, try it. I think it’s big enough. It’ll fit.
    Berta: The last time someone said that, I ended up pregnant with my first daughter.

& Alan: Jeff Strongman is like butter on movie theater popcorn. He may not be real, but he’s delicious nonetheless.

& Walden: So let me get this straight. Your alter-ego is going to be the best man at the wedding of your lover and another guy?
    Alan: When you put it like that, it’s like a soap opera on Telemundo.
    Walden: «Señor, why do you make love to the woman of the man you love?»

---

& Gretchen: Out here, I can be whoever I wanna be. I can reinvent myself.
    Alan: I’ve thought about doing that. But in the end, I can’t be anyone but Jeff Strongman.
    Gretchen: Well, I wouldn’t mind a strong man in the end.
    Alan: Dirty word-play.
    Gretchen: I’m vibrating.
    Alan: I’m growing.
    Gretchen: No. No, our table’s ready.

& Walden: They’re giving you an opportunity to work for Google? I’m giving you an opportunity to be Google!

--
On the IMDb