Knock 'Em Down

Modern Family 6×20

& Phil: I’ve had this listing for two months, and I can’t move it because of the statue across the street. It’s called «Marble with wood,» and let’s just say... it’s made entirely of marble.
    Wife: We’ve got to do something about this. It’s obscene.
    Alex: That’s what they said about «The catcher in the rye»

& Ronnie: I didn’t make my money to move to a neighborhood where they put something like that on the street. Porn belongs on a big screen in the bedroom or your phone in the bathroom.
    Phil: Kids, go play!

& Jay: No one’s gonna believe I’m gay.
    Cameron: Oh, why, because you’re not flouncy enough? Jay, that’s offensive. There’s all kinds of gays. You’ve got your Broadway gays, your gym gays, your twinks, your bears, your otters, your «hey, girl» gays. You’ve got your pups, your cubs, your chubs. And most prominently, you’ve got your average-Joes-who-you-would-never-know-are-gay gays.

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& Cameron: Look, Jay, you don’t have to do anything differently. Just... be yourself. You’re gay enough.

& Haley: Hey! I am in the best mood. My Uber driver looked just like Adam Driver.

& Haley: I hope I’m as cool as you guys in thirty years.
    Gloria: Does she think we’re fifty?
    Mitchell: No, she’s just bad at math.

& Jay: You’re a great guy, and the reason I turned you down is because... It’s much harder to say out loud than I thought. I’m... I’m not gay.
    Martin: You’re straight?!
    Jay: Whoa, it feels good to finally tell someone. For four hours, I’ve been living in fear that I’d be found out. Do you have any idea what that feels like?

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+ quotes on the IMDb