Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin

Two and a Half Men 11×15

& Walden: Well, the only reason Lyndsey settled for Larry is because she didn’t know she could settle for you!
    Alan: Right, I mean, you’re a handsome billionaire and you settled for me. She’s just a divorced, middle-aged lush... of my dreams.

& Jenny: I guess I could send flowers to her work. Eurgh, that’s so gay.
    Walden: Well, theses are the kinds of things we have to do as a relationship evolves. See, sex becomes companionship and companionship becomes commitment. Commitment becomes complacency which gives way to contempt. Until you find yourself longing for the sweet release of death.
    Jenny: Yikes.

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& Walden: Whoa, what the hell happened?
    Alan: You know, it’s kind of sketchy. We had a lot to drink.
    Walden: Well, I’ve had a lot to drink before but I’ve never gotten engaged to my ex-wife.

& Walden: This is the same woman that you said was so evil, that her image didn’t show up in your wedding pictures.

& Walden: Judith, I have to say, I cannot take my eyes off of that ring.
    Judith: I know. When I first saw it, I thought it was as fake as the orgasms I used to have when we were married.

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