Naughty Ninjas

South Park 19×7

& Bartender: We don’t take kindly to folks who impose their authority on the underprivileged.
    A Cop: Now, look, not all cops are racist, trigger-happy assholes.
    Randy: Really? I’ll bet you don’t even know what «farm-to-table» means. ... Wow. We’ve only had a Whole Foods for a month, and already, we don’t need cops.

& Eric: Listen, I don’t think we should let Kyle be a ninja, okay? He said ninjas were gay. He’s probably gonna try to turn it around on me. But that’s ’cause Kyle knows I heard him.
    Kyle: You’re talking to Kyle right now.
    Eric: Yeah, cool. It’s me... Butters.
    Kyle: You’re the one who said ninjas were gay. Why do you want to make this a problem?
    Eric: I’m... I’m just Butters, man. I have problems with lots of things.

& Eric: Oh, my God! I never said it was gay! That is a total lie! Why would I say something homophobic about the way Tweek and Craig make love? He’s a lying, backstabbing Jew!
    Stan: I’m Stan.

& Eric: So, then, after you told me, we both went over to Kyle and Stan, where they were playing basketball, remember?.. And we said Kenny and Token were playing ninja, And Kyle said that ninjas were gay. And I said, «Ninjas are gay?» But it was a question. You remember?
    Butters: I thought you said it first.
    Eric: No, no, no, no. See, now, Kyle’s got everyone remembering it wrong because he doesn’t want to get kicked out of the group. That’s what Jews do when they’re caught in a lie. You cannot trust a Jewish ninja, Butters.

& Eric: Uh, excuse me, could I just set the record straight on something?
    ISIS representative: Of course.
    Eric: Should Jews be trusted?
    ISIS: ......
    Eric: I mean, if one of us is a Jew, do you see that as being at all problematic?
    ISIS: Extremely.
    Eric: Yes! Yes!

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& Stan: You’re the only cop this town needs, Barbrady. Go shoot those kids.

& Eric: Guys, I know this is hard for all of us, but to truly be ninjas, we must face hard facts. Last night, I spoke in private with our ninja leader overseas. We talked a long time about Jews and the Hebrew faith. He told me a lot I didn’t know. And I was able to tell him some things he did not know. But after talking with that guy, it is abundantly clear to me that Jews cannot be ninjas. I went to Kyle’s house to talk to him about it. And I found this... It was then that Kyle confessed to me about how he had brainwashed Butters and Stan into thinking I had used a homophobic slur to refer to our organization. And he almost got away with it. That’s when Kyle tried to kill me. Luckily, I was the faster ninja. Kyle knew I would never call ninjas gay. When I take the gag off, he’s going to try and tell you that I’m lying now. Do not believe him. Kyle is a liar.
    Kyle: I’m right here.
    Eric: ..... Who... Who’s this?
    Kyle: That’s Clyde.
    Eric: And I am Token. Why do I do these things, you ask?.. Black rage.

& Randy: Where’s Stan?
    Sharon: He’s playing ninjas over at Kenny’s house.
    Randy: Ninjas? That’s gay... He’s playing ninjas at Kenny’s house?!?!

& Randy: Wait a minute... Ninjas... Scary... Gay... Scary... Gay. Scary. Gay. Scary. Gay.

& Eric: No! You can’t kick me out! I have to be a ninja. They hate Jews. I was made for this, you guys! Please!

& Barbrady: Everybody told me they were terrorists!
    Mayor: We thought they were! But if it turns out they aren’t, as a policeman, you have to figure that out!
    Barbrady: But... You said you needed me to kill some kids!
    Stan: Oh, he’s gonna lay this on us now. I said «kill some kids,» but I said it as a question, remember? I said, «Kill some kids?»

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