White Hat/Black Hat

Silicon Valley 2×8

& Russ: We have a lot of work to do, Richard. A lot... We have to drink this entire bottle of tequila today.
    Richard: What?
    Russ: Bake-off, bitch.

& Russ: We are going to drink to re-billionizing.

& Carla: Who is done with transcode work flow? Me.
    Richard: Good job, Carla. Or should I say, «scrumptious»?.. Because of the board, the scrum board.
    Carla: Oh, I get it.
    Richard: Yeah. Or just... I mean, not you. I mean, you could... You are.

& Gilfoyle: He worked for EndFrame, the pieces of shit that stole our algorithm.
    Dinesh: Yeah. So by the transitive property, he is, therefore, also a piece of shit.
    Richard: Well, the pieces of shit fired him. So his «piece of shit» status is reversed.
    Dinesh: Okay, fine. So the transitive property may no longer apply, but the reflexive property states everything’s equal to itself. So, since he’s a piece of shit, he’s a piece of shit.
    Richard: Okay, math aside, the point I’m trying to make here is we didn’t actually break his code. Okay?

& Erlich: Cool with a «K.»

& Assistant: Sorry, sorry... Monica was smoking? Cigarettes?
    Jian-Yang: Cigarettes.
    Erlich: No, no, no. He’s confused. He’s Chinese. He’s talking about this crack-addict prostitute we saw at the gas station. She was smoking cigarettes. So sad.

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& Erlich: Jian-Yang, what’re you doing? This is Palo Alto! People are lunatics about smoking here. We don’t enjoy all the freedoms that you have in China. All right? Where people smoke all the time.

& Richard: What? I’m a black hat? How am I a black hat? EndFrame stole from us first. And since the negative of a negative is a positive, stealing from a thief is okay. It’s the additive inverse property.
    Gilfoyle: Math aside, Richard, we’re all black hats now.

& Richard: We have an unemployed and very pissed off systems guy, who very publicly threatened to skullfuck our whole system.
    Gilfoyle: He’s not gonna do shit. He’s a coder.
    Dinesh: By definition, we’re all pussies.

& Monica: The fundamental idea is sound. An app that helps parents find the least crowded playgrounds... The problem is, he’s basically created the perfect tool for pedophiles to find victims.
    Erlich: Yes, and pedophiles are typically not early-adopters, so we would miss out on that whole market. That’s problematic. Well, we’ll tweak it when we present it to your boss...

& Richard: Okay, well, frankly, your lack of paranoia is insane to me.
    Gilfoyle: Now you’re paranoid that we’re not paranoid enough?
    Dinesh: You’re para-paranoid, Richard.

& Erlich: Under Monica’s guidance, we realized the same technology could also be used to create a real-time, crowd-sourced map of an even worse segment of the population.
    Laurie: Worse than pedophiles?
    Erlich: Smokers.

& Erlich: With our app, users can locate and thus avoid these self-indulgent, self-destructive, negligent monsters... We call it «Smokation.» It’s a clever hybrid of «smoker» and «location.»

& Dinesh: I know we are vulnerable, right now, but, Richard, we’re covered, okay? We severed the prod and dev net.
    Gilfoyle: Look, you made us put our phones in a fucking Faraday cage.
    Dinesh: We even killed the Wi-Fi and reverted back to this stone age hard line Ethernet switch. Look at all this shit. Are we in the ’90s?

& Gilfoyle: Richard, no one is cracking our transfer. Not Seth, not some rogue nuclear state, not Sk3wl of fucking R00t. No one.

& Russ: You know what’s hard about being a billionaire, Richard?.. You never know if someone likes you for you or for your money.

& Erlich: A McLaren 650S Spider...
    Richard: Wow. I... I don’t know what to say. You got this for me?
    Russ: What?! No, I... It’s for me. I bought this for myself... to celebrate you guys helping me get back to a billion. That’s why I came here, to show it to you. To say thank you. I’m not an asshole. ...
    Richard: I don’t understand. You got yourself a gift to prove that you’re not an asshole?
    Russ: Right.

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