Some Friggin' Fat Dude

The Last Man on Earth 1×6

& Carol: Phil, the only reason we entered into this unholy Watusi was to spread out the gene pool.
    Phil: Carol, shame on you. We can’t just force Melissa to have sex with some stranger. I mean, that’s called human trafficking. Now, she has a Constitutional right to choose her own sexual partners, okay? This isn’t Russia here. This is the friggin’ USA. Mm?

& Carol: Phil, are you really concerned with Melissa’s rights? Or are you just trying to justify having sex with her?
    Phil: Yes.
    Carol: Yes to which one?
    Phil: Oh, to the one that makes you happy. You know the one.
    Carol: Okay, good.

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& Todd: ...Uh, but in answer to your question, I’m 285.
    Melissa: Guess what, Todd? All those kids from your high school? They’re all dead now. So screw ’em. Right?
    Carol: Cheers to that. They can lick a duck, Todd.

& Carol: ... And that’s the Pilbasian nudge. You want some soup?

& Carol: Brilliant nudge. How did you know about the scar?
    Phil: Just dumb luck I guess.

& Phil: You know, I hate to say this, I really do, but... it’s hard to trust fats.

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