Pranks for Nothin'

The Last Man on Earth 1×10

& Melissa: You’re disgusting.
    Phil: Disgustingly good at pranks!

& Phil: But I didn’t do anything!
    Carol: Bologna on rye, Phil!
    Phil: No! Truth meat on honesty bread!
    Carol: You are nothing but a sewer rat, you dumb donkey. Just cattin’ around like the cock of the walk. Well, guess what, you skunk? You just sprayed the wrong dog.

& Gail: We just wanted to ... say we hope that there’s no hard feelings.
    Carol: Why would there be any hard feelings? All you did was make a series of quick, slut-based decisions about sharing your body with a man you hardly knew.

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& Phil: I get it, I blew it. I really beefed it. I asked for a do-over and instead I got a do-do-over. Boom, I still got it.

& Phil: Are you guys ready for a bombshell?

& Phil: ...And finally, Carol. I can’t even begin to count the ways that I’ve been dishonest with you. But let me start with this: We should have never gotten married.

& Phil: I’d rather be an honest person with no friends than live one more day as a liar, so... Smell ya never.

& Carol: Phil, are you talking to balls with faces drawn on them?
    Phil: Y-Yes. I am.
    Carol: Okay.

& Phil: So, that’s my ex-wife.

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On the IMDb