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Two and a Half Men 10×12

& Walden: Sam Wilson is a lot of stress... Money’s tight. You’d be surprised what that does to a guy.
    Alan: Please. I’ve been so desperate, I’ve climbed into fountains... and stolen the wishes of children.
    Walden: So you get it.

& Alan: Ah, Sam, Kate, welcome to Alancrest.
    Walden: Why are you wearing pajamas?
    Alan: I’m rich, I can.
    Kate: You have a beautiful home.
    Alan: It’ll work until my castle’s finished.

& Alan: Oh, look, my panoramic ocean view. Ha, ha. You can follow my seagulls on Twitter. Hashtag, gulls gone wild.

& Alan: Oh, ah, delightful. Thank you, Berta, that will be all.
    Berta: Damn right it will.
    Alan: Heh. She’s been with the family for years. They say you’re not really rich until you have servants who hate you.

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& Walden: What the hell is the matter with you?
    Alan: Me? She’s the one who paired an empire waist with a Peter Pan collar.
    Walden: You’re supposed to be a simple rich guy. Not a gay Bruce Wayne.

& Alan: Walden?! What am I doing in your bed? I must have been sleepwalking.

& Walden: Relax, Alan, I just want to talk.
    Alan: What’s going on? It’s 3 in the morning.
    Walden: I haven’t been able to sleep. In fact, my whole life is falling apart. I’m losing my hair. I’m gaining weight. I’m all itchy and twitchy. I haven’t had a solid stool in a week.
    Alan: So far you’re describing my typical Tuesday.
    Walden: The worst part is I can’t get an erection.
    Alan: All right, just let me brush my teeth.
    Walden: Whoa, whoa, whoa!

& Russel: Okay, well, there you go. And since you’re a friend of a friend, I should read you the possible side effects. «Headaches, dry mouth, blurred vision, facial flushing, inflamed bursa sac, vertigo... fits of rage, homicidal, patricidal, matricidal and suicidal thoughts, stroke... anal leakage, explosive diarrhea, nipple discoloration, death... and difficulty achieving an erection.»
    Alan: Huh. That explains my yellow nipples.

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On the IMDb