Give Santa a Tail-Hole

Two and a Half Men 10×11

& Alan: So, uh, listen, Sam Wilson, how are things in Poorville? Are you Les Misérables?

& Walden: You know, last night, Kate and I went shopping at the 99-cent store. That place is amazing. Did you know that everything there is 99 cents?
    Alan: Know it? I registered there for my wedding.
    Walden: Two cans of peaches, 99 cents. Four pack of yogurt, 99 cents. This owl-shaped mug? Ninety-nine cents. Guess how much the wine inside was?
    Alan: Uh, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say 99 cents?
    Walden: Seventy-nine cents. Dented box. Heh.

& Walden: How was your day?
    Kate: It’s Christmas, Sam. Happy people, wishing you peace on Earth. It was horrible.
    Walden: Somebody’s got a case of the Grinches.
    Kate: No, it’s a case of nine-hour shifts listening to Celine Dion murder «O Holy Night.» If I ever meet that skinny bitch, I’m gonna beat the «O holy» crap out of her. And that’s what Christmas is all about.

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& Kate: Tell me about your day.
    Walden: After you left, I made some breakfast. I got the mail. I did some work on that app I’ve been developing. And then I did some serious research on World War II.
    Kate: Really?
    Walden: I fell asleep watching the History Channel.

& Nick: By the way, your cell phone’s like your penis. When you’re at work, keep it in your pants.

& Walden: I got something else that’ll make you feel better.
    Kate: Yeah?
    Walden: Let’s get naked...
    Kate: Ah!
    Walden: ...and play some reindeer games.

& Nick: You are a natural, kid. You remind me of a young me. Except you’re taller and better looking. And probably straight...
    Walden: Where are we going with this?
    Nick: Apparently nowhere.

& Berta: Look at you. Drunk as your brother and none of the charm.

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