6 мая 2014 г.

Thank You for the Intercourse

Two and a Half Men 9×8

& Walden: I had no idea your brother was a freaking genius.
    Alan: Well, he managed to live 44 years screwing everything that moved without catching a fatal venereal disease. I... I suppose there’s a form of genius in that.

& Jake: I don’t know, Uncle Charlie just never treated me like I was some stupid kid.
    Alan: That’s nice.
    Jake: He treated me more like a stupid person.

& Alan: Is that all your uncle meant to you— a nice car?
    Jake: Of course not— I learned a lot from him.
    Alan: Like what?
    Jake: Well, let’s see... If it doesn’t fit, don’t force it. It’s always better to say sorry afterwards than ask for permission before... And if it’s burning, bleeding, or oozing, go to see a doctor ASAP.


& Jake: By the way, do you have a number for this Dr. Asap? He’s not listed anywhere.
    Alan: What?!
    Jake: I mean, I don’t need him right now, but I want to have him on speed dial, so if I do, I can get him as soon as possible.
    Alan: ASAP?
    Jake: Yeah, him.
    Alan: A-S-A-P?!
    Jake: I know how to spell it, Dad, I’m not an idiot.

& Alan: Man. I couldn’t score a woman like that if my semen cured cancer.

& Alan: Aw, Charlie. I’ll bet you’re up there watching and laughing your ass off. You left a big hole down here, buddy. And a lot of little ones...

& Walden: Berta, how do you feel about casual sex?
    Berta: I’m all for it! Just let me finish the dishes and run a comb through my hair.

& Berta: It’s walking like Zippy, but it sure ain’t talking like Zippy.
    Walden: Yeah. I don’t know him as well as you do. Is he prone to having mental breakdowns?
    Berta: Prone, no. Eligible, certainly.

& Walden: Hey, you remember that shrink that you sent me to? Maybe you should go see her.
    Alan: What for? I’m fine.
    Walden: What’s your name?
    Alan: Charlie Harper.

& Walden: You’re not fine.
    Alan: Well, I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree.

& Walden: I’ll tell you what, why don’t you get some rest, maybe lick your finger, stick it in a light socket, and we’ll revisit this in the morning.

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+ quotes on the IMDb

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