Slowly and in a Circular Fashion

Two and a Half Men 9×13

& Alan: No, no, no. “Oops” is when you clip your toenails too close and they bleed. “Oops” is when you mistake toothpaste for lubricant. “Oops” is when you thought a fart in the elevator was going to be silent.

& Walden: You’ve mistaken toothpaste for lubricant?
    Alan: Just once. Stung like hell, but my penis was minty fresh.
    Walden: Wait, how do you know it was minty fresh?
    Alan: Years of yoga and loneliness.

& Walden: Will you at least be my lawyer?
    Zoey: Of course. I’m already screwing you.

& Walden: Before we get to voting, I’d like to introduce you to Zoey Hyde-Tottingham-Pierce, my new attorney and sex partner.
    Zoey: My card just says “attorney.”

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& Alan: What makes you think we want to talk about business? Aw, come on. I may have been born yesterday, but I was up late last night.
    Robin: What does that even mean?
    Alan: It means... I don’t know. I heard it in a movie.

& Robin: What do you say we forget about business and just enjoy the evening?
    Alan: Well, I’m all for enjoying the evening, but your hand is on my business.
    Robin: Would you like me to move it?
    Alan: Yes. Slowly and in a circular fashion.

& Robin: How about a brand-new red Porsche?
    Alan: ........ I just love being inside you.

& Walden: Well, tell me about the product. How does it work?
    Alan: Oh, really, really simple. It’s two hard rubber balls attached to a stick that you lay on and move up and down your spine.
    Walden: How is that high-tech?
    Alan: Uh... we’d sell it over the Internet?

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