Signaling Risk

Silicon Valley 1×5

& Erlich: This is what we need, you know what I mean? Something raw. We already have kind of a shitty name, Pied Piper, but the last thing we want is two lowercase P’s in a square like those motherfuckers across the freeway would make.

& Erlich: You know, I’m not gonna take the bait here. I am not a racist, all right? I watch a lot of black porn. I mean, a lot.
    Dinesh: One question. In this porn, is the man black, or the woman black, or are they both?

& Jared: OK, let’s start the meeting. I think we need to define our corporate culture. Our whole corporate culture is that we don’t have a corporate culture...

& Jared: ... Take Dinesh and Gilfoyle. They are wasting an enormous amount of time arguing. What if we were to separate them, right? Divide their existing work space into two areas. We could put in some kind of portable barrier...
    Dinesh: He’s talking about cubicles!
    Gilfoyle: We are not doing cubicles. No way!
    Jared: No, no, no. Don’t think of it as a cubicle. Just think of it as a neutral-colored enclosure, about yay-high, around your workspace. ...... OK, fine. But do you know who uses cubicles?..

& Jared: Do you know who uses cubicles? Every single Fortune 500 company. Why? Because they work.
    Gilfoyle: He’s trying to turn us into corporate rock, Richard. We are punk rock.
    Dinesh: Actually, you know, I think a better analogy would be jazz. Like we riff and improvise around a central theme to create one cohesive piece of music...
    Gilfoyle: No, no. They teach fucking jazz at Juilliard. We’re not jazz. We’re fucking punk rock.

& Jared: You guys are arguing over what metaphor to use to agree with each other.

& Jared: This is the craziest one of all. I mean, we’re really about to spend ten thousand dollars on-on-on a logo we could generate in-house for free?

---

& Jared: You want a logo? Here, just... There. I just saved this company ten thousand dollars.
    Erlich: Are you fucking serious? Lowercase letters? Twitter has lowercase “t.” Google has lowercase “g.” Facebook has lowercase “f.” Every fucking company in the Valley has lowercase letters. Why? Because it’s safe. But we aren’t going to do that. We’re gonna go with Chuy. Unless any of you gringos wants to go out there and tell a guy with three assault convictions that we’re not gonna give him the money we promised him.

& Waiter: Are you still enjoying your asparagus, sir?
    Peter Gregory: I was never enjoying it... I only eat it for the nutrients... You may take it.

& Peter Gregory: This is displeasing. ...
    Monica: I have never seen him so incensed.

& Richard: Doesn’t Peter Gregory want what’s best for the company?
    Monica: Look. I’m going to be straight with you. Peter Gregory doesn’t care.
    Richard: About...?
    Monica: You.
    Erlich: .... Wait. Just him or both of us?
    Monica: Any of you.

& Monica: These are billionaires, Richard. Humiliating each other is worth more to them than we’ll make in a lifetime.

& Erlich: What the good fuck?
    Richard: What is happening?
    Erlich: Is that Dinesh?
    Richard: Is that the Statue of Liberty?
    Erlich: And it’s... There’s penetration.

& Erlich: Uhh... Here’s the headline: there’s a lot right with it. A lot of good stuff in there. But I just... Do you think the piece is working? I mean... Maybe it’s a bit too graphic for the space?
    Chuy: No way. Look at it. It comments on the Latino struggle for justice in America. But even without all the symbolism, it’s just aesthetically pleasing.
    Erlich: Yeah...

& Jared: Listen, I’d like to institute an organizational system called “scrum.” Scrum is designed to...

& Jared: Scrum?
    Richard: Yes, scrum.
    Jared: Scrum. .... So from “rules based filtering” we got to “workflow,” at which point that card is moved from the “icebox” into the “in progress” column and it stays there until it is ready for “testing.” OK. This increases visibility into our team’s progress. And that, gentlemen, is scrum! Welcome to the next eight weeks of our lives.
    Gilfoyle: This just became a job.

& Jared: Well, how about this? Why don’t you each take one story, right... and we’ll see who’s right?
    Dinesh: You see what he’s doing, right? He’s trying to get us to compete so we work faster. He thinks this wall of Psych 101, MBA mind-control bullshit is going to motivate us?

& Monica: I played you a little. Maybe a lot. I got caught up in making the deal. All right? And I would like to say I was just doing my job, but... that’s the excuse that the Nazis used, so I’m not really sure how effective that one is.

& Jared: I love it.
    Erlich: Well, it’s lowercase, but at least it isn’t racist. Is it?

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On the IMDb